Tonight's weigh in was shocking! Miss Tara finally succeeded in besting her brother, and not only weighs 5 grams more but broke the 3lb mark first by a hair. Vivek was clearly perturbed by this news, because tonight he was so active and restless, throwing his limbs around, making faces, tossing his head back and forth, and even crying on occasion. I was in the other room at one point and realized it was actually my baby crying, because now he has the strength to cry loudly enough to where I can hear when I'm not right next to him, and he sounds more like a baby crying than an angry squirrel like before. I took many, many photos of my mighty man declaring his discontent tonight and of his general expressiveness. If he closed his eyes and rested more and burned less calories maybe he would catch back up to his sister. Sorry pics are blurry, but he wouldn't stay still tonite!
Pensive Vik
Drowsy Vik
Exasperated Vik
Surreptitious Vik
Contented Vik
Curious Vik
Annoyed Vik
Miss Tara on the other hand was as peaceful as ever. I have to say tonight holding them both I felt a sense of bonding take over, but partly it is because they seem more alert and I am more confident and less concerned about the monitors desatting so I can just focus on loving my babies. The thrilling news is that so far today I noticed no discernable difference from them being removed from caffeine! So far so good....
Smiling at winning the weight bout finally
Saving her energy for growing bigger
I'm definitely becoming a more confident mother. Miss Tara grunted while I was holding her and I thought I smelled something, and sure enough my detective skills correctly identified a full diaper for the second time. The first one was a loud bomb, so I can't take credit for my discernment on that occasion. I didn't wait for anyone to help and I transferred her back to the isollette and changed it myself. This may sound like no big deal, but at only 3lbs she is still delicate, there are wires hanging off her and she is tangled up in a blanket, and I have to get her off of my bare chest where my clothes are discombobulated and gently transition from sitting to standing with grace and ease. I've developed a method for transitioning to cradle hold first using the blanket for stability, then it is easier and safer to stand up without risking any jostling or bumping. I was afraid to do much before this point because the nurses watch you like a hawk and don't initially trust you to do things like they would. I was partly waiting to handle my babies more independently until I watched how they did it and they were more comfortable with my handling.
Tara working something out
I've figured out a new method to get me emotional to help me produce more milk, and so far it seems to be working. When you pump 15 min at a time for 8 times per day you can only stare at pics of your kiddos for so long trying to stir up emotion. So instead I started watching videos on YouTube of babies and then that transitioned into vids of soldiers coming home and greetings by family, children, and dogs. It does the trick! I'm happier with my production level, and if I can put out just a little more I know that the 2-3 teaspoons I can produce per pumping right now will add up to something that helps my babies. I'm not trying to store and serve it to my babies right now because I lose so much in drops that stick to the sides of the plastic on the way to the bottle, and so focusing on when they attempt to breastfeed in a week or two may be more fruitful. It will also be easier than trying to collect all day for a tiny bit per baby that the nurses will find odd for me to push getting added to their feed of formula and be awkward with the language barrier.
Today Hitesh wasn't in, so still working on FMLA paperwork. It was a bad luck day with tuk-tuks and I must have chatted up 3 drivers for every 1 driver that knew where I wanted to go. This town is not that big, and I typically mention 3-4 nearby businesses to help them be sure the general area I want to go. Frustrating. I also follow two more generally smart rules:
1. Always name your price first before you get in. Prevents surprises and rip-off's later.
2. If you don't have 40-70 rupees (cost of most rides) then check to make sure they have change if you have 100 bills. They pull this "no change" stuff on you sometimes, which is a load of horse hockey. If they know how to say "no change" they have change, which is typically in their front pocket or hidden in a locked compartment on the console of the tuk-tuk. Maybe if the tuk-tuk is real beat up and the driver looks like they haven't bathed in a few weeks they may have no change, but usually I think they are scamming you.
I went to Dawat again, but despite me seeing eggplant all over town they said no Baingan bartha available. That was the 1 reason I went there, so for the rest of my stay I'm abandoning Dawat and sticking with Decent Restaurant where they have it with corn in it at least. I ordered spaghetti instead to try "Continental Fare." DO NOT FALL FOR THE SPAGHETTI!!! I've seen it all over menus around town, but it is spaghetti noodles with a super cheesy creamy sauce that is sweetened by pineapple juice. It is like a cheesy dessert thing trying to be savory. It was awful, but they love it around here. I took one bite and very politely told them I wasn't going to eat it, and to my suprise they didn't charge me for it. I felt bad. Then I walked over to Subway and got a veggie patty sandwich to go, where they gave and charged me for chips I didn't ask for, so I guess it evened out.
I met a guy from London and his twins tonight at the NICU, and I'm pretty sure his partner and mother in law. I'm pleased because I thought that Dr. Patel only helped heterosexual couples...but if my guess is correct then that isn't true. That was one serious criticism I had of Dr. Patel was that she wasn't open to homosexual couples or surrogates who were not married, but my surrogate is divorced and these two gentlemen appeared to be a couple.
But tonight ended with some special shots of me holding my son, because he was such a little bundle of energy and I realized I hadn't had many photos of me with the babies except for the first few days. I'll try to include more.
And my most favorite pic of all and my new Facebook profile pic:
Today was a pleasant day. First development was that Divya left and her husband must have decided he didn't want her to stay longer to provide milk for my babies. This means my babies will be on straight formula and eventually whatever small amount of milk I can provide. To look on the bright side this means they'll continue to grow faster. I think I've been able to fairly calculate about two cans of formula a week, but as they grow they'll go through more. Now I can better estimate how much I'll need my husband to bring with him. Tonight she weighs 1305 grams or 2lbs 14 oz, and he is 1325 grams or just shy of 2lbs 15 oz. The sucking instinct is really kicking in, especially for Miss Tara. Vivek is the one in the hot pink hat today, and she's in blue. Typical.
Last night I decided against my mixed feelings and tight budget to give a tip to Manju, and also to Nita to thank you for carrying and providing milk for my babies. It was only $100 for Manju and $50 for Nita...but it was probably the right thing to do even though I didn't feel all that enthusiastic given the issues with Manju not providing milk when she had been paid to. I've heard $200 to the surrogate is more typical. I also gave Manju a special necklace that symbolized my children that a friend had made for me that I had worn and been planning to give to her.
But today I was shocked by a sudden turn of events. Nita grabbed me in the hall as I was paying a deposit for the NICU and had someone who knew a little English say "you...gift...Rama...Manju." over and over. She kept touching my chest and also saying "saree." I could not tell what she meant but assumed she was maybe trying to get my room number for one last attempt to get more money from me, because that happens with so many it seems. I just answered no visitors at Rama and it ended with confusion on both sides. But as I went back to the NICU momentarily, she called down and explained that Manju had gifts she wanted to give me! Long story short, she met me at the Rama an hour later with Nita and gifted me a beautiful saree and an adorable dress for Tara and cute top and shorts for Vivek. She also asked that I call her when we were about to leave Anand so that she could come see the babies one last time. It seems she cares a lot more than I realized, and it is more like the happy ending I had hoped for.
I noticed two new things today. They bring in a ladder to clean the fans. Yet another surface not left untouched. I also realized that the small octagonal tupperware at each isollette are what they use for open sharps containers, and the one time I had seen sharps held underneath a trash can must have been the exception to the rule because the tupperware containers were being washed at the time. My babies haven't needed any sharps except once or twice a week for a routine blood draw so that is why I must not have noticed.
It is exciting to be making preliminary travel plans. I'm so thrilled to hear that my mother-in-law may travel to Anand and arrive on Sept 8th, and can help me with bottle feeding the babies on their last stretch in the NICU if all goes well. Then when discharge approaches my husband and mother can come together with any final supplies and all the extra hands we'll need. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Blurry Vivek opening his eyes only cause the nice nurse is trying to shake him awake for a photo op
Vivek tipping his hat and perhaps making a gang sign
Miss Tara yawning
Tonight I tried out Flavours Restaurant behind the Subway. It was pretty good, and better than Hotel Laksh cause I ordered the exact same thing there. Slow night I guess, cause 7 waiters were standing behind me watching me eat. Wierd. I had to take a picture of the gorgeous flowers I saw blooming outside in their garden at night, which were like nothing I had ever seen before.
I think tomorrow I may go to Seven Eleven and buy the baby carriers and beds I'll need for the babies. Something to do that I might as well do now..it keeps me focused on the end of this NICU journey. I'll also try Dawat again, which was my original plan tonight. I saw bartha on the menu and they didn't have it because it was seasonal. However I've seen my favorite eggplant around town enough that surely they'll have bartha on the menu now. If so I may have to go there daily.
I had a comment posted about how to do sterilization in the hotel room. My plan was to bring a hot plate to be used with a converter for the plug, and buy a pot and tongs in Anand at Big Bazaar. It worked just fine, but the NICU nurse Suvarna wanted me to use a steam sterilizer instead like the kind you can buy at Seven Eleven for 2500 rupees (There is one that is in the 3000 range). The thought was that some plastics get melty and may release stuff into what is put in them, but I've also heard otherwise especially if something is known to be BPA free. I bought one cause I'm not about to cause a problem with Suvarna, and got a 2nd one given to me. The microwave steam sterilizer bags are awesome, but Rama does not have a microwave and even if they did you probably couldn't use it 8-10 times per day at will. I also inherited a kettle, which boils water so you can sterilize bottled water before mixing it with formula.
Hopefully soon I'll have tips on how to print out something, because my worry has come true and I have to try to print out my husband's FMLA paperwork, have it signed by Dr. Patel or Dr. Kothiala, and send it back to the US. I dreaded trying to solve this problem but my work was able to avoid such hassles, but my husband's wasn't so kind. I'll talk to Hitesh and see what I can do.
So just this past week Dr. Patel and the Akanksha clinic celebrated the 500th baby born through surrogacy! Technically it was twins, so they are at 501. Video below. Wish I could understand the language!
The clinic wanting to share their happiness held a small ceremony which was joined by not only the recently born twins but also many other surrogate mothers and their families on Friday afternoon.
Doctors at the clinic say that childless couples from around 29 countries including India, USA, UK, and Pakistan turn to Anand seeking help of surrogate mothers to give birth to their babies. According to them, babies born through In-Vitro Fertilisation (IVF) have shown a ratio of 253 boys and 247 girls at the clinic.
“It is a good feeling. After a long struggle and controversies we have been able to spread happiness to 500 childless homes,” said Dr Nayna Patel, who is considered to be one of the pioneers in IVF surrogacy.
I found a few more articles today, but they are poorly written and full of misinformation and logical fallacies so I'm not posting links because I don't want to contribute to fear and ignorance. Heavy on the slippery slope arguements and short on actual facts or research. People make a lot of statements and they are not backed up, and from what I can tell they are based on fears or isolated cases rather than reality. It just reminds me that modern day journalism lacks the ethics or integrity to put out well written factual articles, and I feel sorry for people who read the garbage they write and can't tell the difference.
