Day 74: Coming home!

It was a miracle. My husband's amazing cousin Manu shook hands, sweet talked, cajoled and got us two exit VISAS in two hours at the FRRO yesterday! Then we bought plane tickets for late tonight at 2:20am!!! 

I couldn't believe it. Manu had the guys smiling and laughing at jokes. With his lease to prove residency and a copy of her hospital discharge paperwork showing medical issues that  made extra travel problematic, suddenly the road block of the birth state was no more! They actually didn't even bring it up, and Manu said they were very nice men. However the reception guy claimed that because my paperwork wasn't simplified in perfect order and I had extra documents in the stack and some originals instead of copies, that was the reason he had not put me through...which he did not say the previous day at all.  Not very honest, but I've been told to expect as much.

It only took one of the four men we dealt with to provide a roadblock, but with Manu's magic they helped us quickly. They wanted proof of a plane ticket already purchased, but we couldn't do that until the next day when Manu was on a business trip, and we wanted to get it done while he was still there to be a facilitator. However the guy wrote in "ticket confirmed" even when we had no proof!  Manu says this is how Indian Government is, and when you grow up with it you know how to deal with folks to get stuff done. I think if your surrogacy case has any complications like ours did that paying for a facilitator is well worth it, but fortunately we didn't have to because we are related to the miracle man.

This is one hell of a hard way to have a family, but well worth it.

I'm packed and well rested, but have a headache from stressing out about everything that could go wrong and am trying to relax. The final flight home had weighed on my mind from the very first trimester, and I hope that it has been a lot of worry that is mostly unfounded. I wish we had Vinnie with us, but it is just Mom and me working as a team. I may not sleep at all for the next 24-48 hours. But I think about how strong I've been from the years of painful infertility, the year of the police academy while working full time at a stressful job, the trips to Anand and initial failure, then the months of stressful waiting, then finally the scary premature birth and months of NICU and the final journey to Delhi. I'm strong enough to do this one last leg of the journey to bring them home.

Let's hope we get the bassinet seats, so we'll arrive four hours early to the airport. Let's also hope British Airways has the superior customer service to help us through this. I've got to not be so worried about how the babies potential crying will affect other passengers, because there is only so much I can do to prevent it. I'm more worried about their exposure to germs, but the same holds true.

I can't wait to see the joy on the faces of my family meeting their grandchildren for the first time, whom they each played a unique role in helping bring into this world and bring safely home. But most of all I just can't wait to walk in my front door and place them in their beds and take a deep breath and say a prayer of gratitude. I have a son. I have a daughter. I am a mother. I have a family. The biggest dream I ever had for my life has come true, and sharing it with those that I love makes the picture complete.

Day 72: If at first you don't succeed...

So I busted Miss Tara outta the NICU a 2nd time and she is back to her usual hijinks. It kills me to hear her cry for more milk and to not be able to give it to her, but I remind myself that I'm the Mom and will spend a lifetime setting limits for her own good. Here is a video of her getting a "palliative" feed at the hospital yesterday. The nurses agree she is a hungry girl, and I had to remind the rookie nurse to cut my baby off.

It only took me only 10 minutes in billing and 30 minutes waiting for paperwork/medical records because I know the secret: Arrive early, then be visible and slightly annoying instead of following orders to wait in the back room. Random note: While in waiting rooms at the hospital I have become a champion of iphone Solitaire and Minesweeper, and now am rocking Angry Birds.

So within a half an hour of getting home we loaded up and went to the FRRO. The best description I have found on line in great detail is located here: http://ourgeminidragons.emaginations.com/wp/?p=454

My worst case scenario rather immediately came true despite pleading and groveling in two languages....they told us we had to return to Anand because their place of birth dictates which FRRO must do the VISA. I am functioning on auto-pilot with little sleep because Vivek thinks 4:30am to 7am is happy fun playtime. Frankly have been through too much to get upset, so a very eerie calm has taken me over. We simply came home and I started packing and taking steps to get on the fastest flight to Ahmedabad and arrange for a driver to Anand and 3 nights at the Rama Residency.

The family urged me to look into other options like using connections and bribing government officials, because going back to Anand will be a giant pain and extra expense. Bribery and using connections is how things work, or rather don't work like they should, in India. Manu went into overdrive and found someone who told him that if we brought a contract style document with proof of residency in Delhi that they might be obliged to help us. He wrote something up stating we are their tenants that may be stretching the truth, and will go with us tomorrow for one more attempt. If that doesn't work, then we'll take the next flight out to Ahmedabad. I think I'm going to pack just in case and it might help me feel more like the end is really in sight for this trip. 10am tomorrow we'll see what happens.

It's been fun hanging out with both babies again, and things are back the way they should be. Tara has been hanging her hiney out in the breeze all afternoon since she has an awful diaper rash from the stupid NICU not changing diapers frequently enough. It's already looking better from fresh air and liberal applications of Desitin. I'm realizing though that a little goes a long way and I have two econo tubs at home that will likely last me until potty training.

We hang out a lot on Dadima's bed since she bought a rubber blanket for that purpose.

Vivek is getting more active and grasping like crazy, but he is literally busting out of his clothes. I was very sad to do it, but realized I had no choice and cut the feet out of his sleepers. I stretch the cotton out as much as I can before putting it on him but you can see it pulls at the snaps. Tara's clothes will last the next 5-7 days we are here hopefully, but she is growing fast too. Why oh why did I tell Vinnie not to bring the newborn size clothes!

I asked Vivek his thoughts on the Indian bureaucracy we have to navigate and the crowded waiting room they insist I must bring the babies despite the risk of exposure to infection.



Day 71: Discharge and FRRO tomorrow

Princess Tara has been given the green light for discharge tomorrow. We've geen given instructions for how to prevent her microaspirations as I previously posted, along with a strict limit of 45mL per feed every 2 hours. She will possibly cry for more, but we have established now that contrary to what the doctors typically say for most babies do not feed until she seems full because she does not recognize how much is too much. She gained 350 grams in 2 1/2 days from her last discharge, so she eats more than she can handle and retains water and it puts strain on her kidneys. I can get on board with 45 mL, just not 30mL that causes weight loss and extremes of hunger. He did say if she seemed very hungry we can wait an hour between feeds and top her off if needed to avoid reflux issues.

So today has been a frenzy of getting the passport photos resized to the correct size (I hate you guy from Karan Studios in Anand!) as well as printing out applications for the Exit VISA. Tomorrow we will go to the FRRO, and after that is over I think my usual positive outlook will totally return. I guess I'm just too afraid to get my hopes up lest something go wrong. I'm not above begging should they put a roadblock in our path, because I'm told the FRRO is the toughest step with the most Indian bureaucracy to navigate.

My husband is now safe at home in America. It was tough to say goodbye but we hold out hope it won't be for long. We spend little time with family here to keep risk of infection at a minimum, so Minnie took us out to dinner for our first outing in Delhi and it was a nice change of pace to be outside and be with everyone. All the kids joined us, and we ate at Nirula's Potpourri. Vinnie had good memories from childhood because everyday Mon Uncle would bring him a pizza from there because he was a little brat and he would only eat that, corn, or Choco Nut ice cream the entire time he stayed in India. His tastes have widened slightly over the years, and let's hope his children aren't that particular! This is his 9th trip to India, and hopefully his last for a good long time. I think we have had our fill of India, but next time we come it will be with a tourist mindset and itinerary and I'm sure we'll have much more fun showing the twins their country of origin.

Meanwhile Mom and I are biding our time waiting. I'm watching old TV episodes Vinnie downloaded to my computer and it makes the hours pass faster. I enjoy my time with Vivek but he does sleep an awful lot and Dadima doesn't share well. Geeta is a joy to be around and such a huge help, and I trust her completely with the babies. I got some cute shots of her talking to Vivek when she didn't know I was watching and sneaking photos.

 

Day 69: One step forward, two steps back...

So Tara is back in the NICU, but this time we think we have a correct diagnosis that identifies the source of the bigger problem. Her breathing has been too fast ever since she got to Delhi, and the infection/bronchitis that brought her to the NICU the first time may have been related to this problem and not the virus I had tried so hard not to pass onto her. We think now the issue is "micro aspirations " related to her GERD (gastro-esophogeal reflux disease common in preemies).  During gestational week 37 the week before last when we got to Delhi we discontinued the domperidone that treats GERD as Dr. Kothiala had recommended. Dr. Saluja asked if they were still throwing up after eating in regards to this decision, and soon after Vivek was so we put him back on it.

But Tara wasn't throwing up. Not fully anyway. After and perhaps during feedings she was throwing up a little but it never made it out her mouth and instead was going into her lungs a little at a time. It was very imperceptible, and perhaps we didn't realize it because in comparison to Vivek who is a grunty loud eater her feeding seemed peaceful and a cough or two seemed normal because he would typically cough once per feeding and need to be slowed down too. Then last night during the car ride to the ROP doctor she must have aspirated a larger amount because that is when the wheezing began along with a cough. It worsened overnight with each feeding and Vinnie and I spent the most worried night of our lives. It was partially worsening because she was so hungry from her previous stay at the NICU that she was always crying for more food, so we gave it to her and it exacerbated the problem because a full tummy made the reflux worse.

In the morning I was nearing panic, and while desperate to take her elsewhere other than Sir Ganga Ram NICU we realized there wasn't much choice and the situation was too urgent. I recognized she was in severe respiratory distress and I walked as fast as I could after Manu drove us quickly there. I blew past two custodians and security at the NICU doors and walked up to all the nurses and held out my baby girl to them and said "Tara!" Then Tara gave a wet cough and one nurse snapped into action and grabbed her from me. The nurse moved fast and they put her under an oxygen tent, and I went and sat down because I knew now she would be okay. Her oxygenation was in the 70's so we got there just in time.

Tests confirmed there is no fever or infection, and it is not technically aspiration pneumonia so she is being moved out of the "infection room" and into a normal room tonight. She will probably be there a few days, and upon her release first stop is the FRRO to apply for the VISAS to get the hell out of here. I plan to discuss the possibility of using the rice cereal I brought as a thickener for her feeds to help her reflux, which I'd brought because they did that as an option for my brother's twins in their NICU. Simply Thick is used for this purpose and is essentially xantham gum additives, but I'm told you can't use that until they are older. From now on she can be treated by more frequent smaller feeds, domperidone, and maintaining a more upright position at all times. I have no clue how I'll managed to keep her tilted during diaper changes, but I'll figure it out. Tonight when I visited her she was resting peacefully on her tummy, and has a nasal cannula of oxygen and is tube feeding to help her rest and recover. They said they could use CPAP if needed and sedate her because she was so hungry the crying was interfering with her breathing, but it looks like neither of those more extreme measures were necessary.

Vinnie and I put together all the documents we need and tomorrow we will fill out and print the application and make some copies of all of the passports.  After the 11:30 counseling session with Tara's doctors we'll have a goodbye lunch with family for him. I've packed a bag of less essential baby gear for him to take home, and with all I'm leaving here or used up (diapers/wipes/formula) I should be able to travel home with minimal luggage. The end is in sight but I know I'm probably looking to fly out the week of the 22nd. It will be so much harder without Vinnie, but my mother-in-law is the rock that is keeping me sane because no way we could do this without her.

Now the only problem left to solve is that Vivek is getting too big for preemie clothes. I deply regret my decision to tell Vinnie not to bring newborn size clothes with him, because I figured they wouldn't get big enough to grow out of them before we got home based on their growth rate. Big mistake. Vinnie's solution was to cut off the bottoms of the onesies where it snaps, and cut the feet off of the sleepers to make room. I told him I wasn't ready to cut up all their baby clothes, so we have a few outfits left that are washed constantly that make up his small rotation of outfits. I have no idea why in the biggest city in India you can't find newborn clothes but only toddler sized, but I can only assume that it is because they just used diapers and blankets until the kiddo can walk.