Keep calm and carry on

So things have been moving along. I'm trying to enjoy being a Mom but it is hard to enjoy it fully when my beautiful daughter is missing from the daily picture. But I'm forcing myself to take pictures again and try to celebrate the little moments. It is funny to see how much he loves the glider and the swing. He seems confused yet somewhat pleased by the motions they make.

Today I got a lot done and sorted through some clothes donations for the princess so that she may wear pink and not just the very few gender neutral items I had or be stuck in boy clothes (Thank you Cristina!). I actually risked taking a bath today and by some miracle he slept through it. I also finished unpacking from India FINALLY, and figured out how to use our stroller. That means that Vivek and Ralph and I all went for our first walk together up to the duck pond next to our house for a 15 minute jaunt. It was nice having him out in the sun and fresh air for the first time, and though he slept through it I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.

Ralph didn't pull on the leash for the first time I've ever seen, and I hope it is because he seems to be getting the picture that the stroller is in the lead and the baby boy is the new Alpha in this family. He is giving the baby a wide berth and waiting for permission to approach. He at times seems to be guarding the baby, and gets very concerned and seems distressed when he cries. The only issue we have so far is him pulling off the blankets and burp cloths to the ground on occasion, but I'm pretty sure it is because he smells the formula/vomit and that equals food to him. Our dog is a little piglet and will eat anything that remotely smells like food. After many failed attempts at discovering a bounty of dog treats hidden inside a burp cloth, this seems to be abating. They seemed to be getting along during Vivek's first time on the playmat.

 

I spend at least two hours a day with Tara, but it feels like just a drop in the bucket and it kills me everytime I leave her. If I didn't have to care for Vivek I would spend all day there everyday. Especially now, because I can work miracles to calm her when the nurses can't so holding her is of great benefit to her health. She still gets agitated easily, and then she cries. When she cries she coughs. When she coughs she can't stop coughing. Then she starts gagging out her feeding tube and bronchospasming and can't breathe.

They put her back on steroids to help decrease the imflammation in her lungs. She is making progress daily despite the insult to her lungs still being obvious in her breathing and behavior. They weaned her from 6ml oxygen on the nasal cannula down to 3mL in 3 days, which are huge strides forward. She has to be a .3ml to begin bottle feeding again. Given that we were told she would still be on a ventilator at this point this is stupendous progress!

I am so incredibly grateful for the meals that are being brought by my friends at church, the Metrocrest Mothers of Multiples club, and work friends. It is the thing that is making this marathon possible and giving me enough time to sleep and take care of Vivek and see Tara. Time and money are running out so I decided the best thing was to go back to work Sunday, and will take another week off when Tara is finally discharged. It is a little daunting but we have a plan that will get us both enough sleep and family is helping out four days a week so that I can see Tara 3 hours a day. Again, having the meals ready to go is saving a tremedous amount of time and preserving my sanity and I am so deeply appreciative. Thank you!

Day 35: A day of firsts

Today was fabulous!  I got my lazy self up early enough for bath time, and Mom got to see the sponge bath fun for the first time. She was thrilled with how alert Tara was while she held her afterwards. You can see in the below picture just how chubby she is getting now!

I got her entire bath on video. I did not get his on video because I WAS GIVING IT!!! The nurse asked me if I wanted to do the sponge bath and I jumped at the chance. I thought I did a good job, but the nurse micromanaged a bit about what to wash first. I just loved having my hands all over him for the first time and getting to see my little monkey in all his glory. So adorable!

I also got the cutest video yet!!! Tara sucking her thumb. She has come close, but until now this is the first anyone has seen her actually make contact and suck on it as far as I know. SOOOOO CUTE!!!!

After I took a nap to ease my crankiness for getting up so early, I did some laundry. Mom remembers doing her laundry by hand as a young girl in  India and DOES NOT miss it. She hung it up and showed me how she used to hold one end of the saree and flap it around to dry it and keep it from shrinking. After laundry Mom and I went shopping for some tops. She and I brought precious few clothes aside from my pile of sarees. We had a fun time shopping and she is one tough haggler, and now we have a few more clothing options for daily wear. I went to the ATM while Mom looked into getting some jewelry repaired, and then we made another trip to the NICU.  Mom did her best bottlefeed yet with a little coaching from me, and got Vivek to finish a bottle. I had a challenging feed for Tara since I was able to figure out her nose was a little clogged, but they used some nose drops and she was much better after that.



Close up of Mom burping Vivek




Mom talking to Vivek





















On a whim I asked if I could hold both babies at once, which I've been dreaming of for a while figuratively and literally. Sure enough they let me, and though it was only for a few moments before weigh in time it was marvelous and brought tears to my eyes. Mom got a few shaky pics, so I'll have to get her using my other camera more in the future. Tomorrow I'll see if they let me put them side by side in the isolette for pics!

 


















The night ended well with a long video chat with my husband and mother, then one with my father-in-law. Vinnie is feeling very good without painkillers, and plans on going to work tomorrow. He is not resting as much as he should so I told my mother to crack the whip. He told me his recovery is about a week or two and he shouldn't lift anything over 10lbs. I busted him lifting up our dog for the camera so I could see him! I think we will plan on him coming straight to Delhi around the same time we arrive there to buy him more recovery time. Mom and I can handle getting the babies to Delhi now that Manu and family has solved our luggage dilemma. He will bring the Earth's Best formula for us as well as the proof of residency documents and we should be good to go!

Hopeflully tonight I won't have more nightmares. Last night I dreamed I again misplaced my babies. I was at work taking a class, and let someone hold a baby. They passed it around until no one know who had it last. I was also stressed because I was trying to hold both at once and found it impossible, and had no stroller. I realized how I couldn't get anywhere without one and needed to leave them unattended to get one.  It was a problem I just couldn't seem to solve in the dream.  Yes....I have wierd dreams.