Day 72: If at first you don't succeed...

So I busted Miss Tara outta the NICU a 2nd time and she is back to her usual hijinks. It kills me to hear her cry for more milk and to not be able to give it to her, but I remind myself that I'm the Mom and will spend a lifetime setting limits for her own good. Here is a video of her getting a "palliative" feed at the hospital yesterday. The nurses agree she is a hungry girl, and I had to remind the rookie nurse to cut my baby off.

It only took me only 10 minutes in billing and 30 minutes waiting for paperwork/medical records because I know the secret: Arrive early, then be visible and slightly annoying instead of following orders to wait in the back room. Random note: While in waiting rooms at the hospital I have become a champion of iphone Solitaire and Minesweeper, and now am rocking Angry Birds.

So within a half an hour of getting home we loaded up and went to the FRRO. The best description I have found on line in great detail is located here: http://ourgeminidragons.emaginations.com/wp/?p=454

My worst case scenario rather immediately came true despite pleading and groveling in two languages....they told us we had to return to Anand because their place of birth dictates which FRRO must do the VISA. I am functioning on auto-pilot with little sleep because Vivek thinks 4:30am to 7am is happy fun playtime. Frankly have been through too much to get upset, so a very eerie calm has taken me over. We simply came home and I started packing and taking steps to get on the fastest flight to Ahmedabad and arrange for a driver to Anand and 3 nights at the Rama Residency.

The family urged me to look into other options like using connections and bribing government officials, because going back to Anand will be a giant pain and extra expense. Bribery and using connections is how things work, or rather don't work like they should, in India. Manu went into overdrive and found someone who told him that if we brought a contract style document with proof of residency in Delhi that they might be obliged to help us. He wrote something up stating we are their tenants that may be stretching the truth, and will go with us tomorrow for one more attempt. If that doesn't work, then we'll take the next flight out to Ahmedabad. I think I'm going to pack just in case and it might help me feel more like the end is really in sight for this trip. 10am tomorrow we'll see what happens.

It's been fun hanging out with both babies again, and things are back the way they should be. Tara has been hanging her hiney out in the breeze all afternoon since she has an awful diaper rash from the stupid NICU not changing diapers frequently enough. It's already looking better from fresh air and liberal applications of Desitin. I'm realizing though that a little goes a long way and I have two econo tubs at home that will likely last me until potty training.

We hang out a lot on Dadima's bed since she bought a rubber blanket for that purpose.

Vivek is getting more active and grasping like crazy, but he is literally busting out of his clothes. I was very sad to do it, but realized I had no choice and cut the feet out of his sleepers. I stretch the cotton out as much as I can before putting it on him but you can see it pulls at the snaps. Tara's clothes will last the next 5-7 days we are here hopefully, but she is growing fast too. Why oh why did I tell Vinnie not to bring the newborn size clothes!

I asked Vivek his thoughts on the Indian bureaucracy we have to navigate and the crowded waiting room they insist I must bring the babies despite the risk of exposure to infection.



Day 46-47: 100th post-a day away from Delhi!

Sorry no pics today, and I apologize in advance for complaining a bunch. To be honest yesterday and today I've been rushed and stressed out getting all final preparations made to leave to Delhi and take care of two babies on a 2 hour schedule with 5 different supplement drops and 3 warm water bottles to administer on a perfect schedule while keeping a sterile environment in a hotel room AND trying to pump. It is overwhelming at times and gives me 1 1/2 hour gaps to get everything else done If the feeding runs smoothly and there is no fussing afterwards when putting them down. Add to that the blaring music from the Ganesh festival at the temple next door and pounding bass all day and it is enough to make my hair fall out. I look at my list of to do's such as "pay hotel bill" or "pick up glycerin suppository prescription for Vivek" and "laundry" and it doesn't look like much, but by the time the day is done I barely get it all done. THe internet went out, the TV went out, the electricity went out, and EVERYTHING is closed for the festival on my last day to get stuff done. I'm frustrated that the pumping takes up so much time with so little payout, especially when I'm stressed. I feel like a bit of a failure in that area because I'm not getting as close to the number of pumps per day as I was in the beginning, but I guess with good reason. I think like a lot of things I can put more focus on it later when their feeding schedule extends.

But what bothers me the most is that the nanny slept through an alarm for a feeding last night at 3am as well as an apnea alarm, so now I don't trust her to wake up so I'm getting less sleep. Fortunately they wake me up so all was good and as usual it was a false apnea alarm because it twisted around to the side. There is a false alarm every few days and more our fault for not securing it perfectly to the diaper. I guess tonight I'll wake up long enough to make sure she's up to feed them then I'll go back to bed. I've realized for my sanity that it is not the end of the world if one person does both feedings and one gets fed 15 min late as a result. They are still largely on the same schedule and it is a reality that comes with twins that I had been reluctant to acknowledge initially. Unless you are Mariah Carey and can affort two full time nannies.

I also busted her turning off the AC in the middle of the night. She claimed the babies would get cold, but the truth is I've checked that extensively because that worried me, and the babies are toasty warm. Priyanka is not used to AC and she is the one that is cold. I ALWAYS wake up and can't sleep if I'm too warm...just ask my husband. She had been told not to do that. She has tried to convince me to use scrunched up burp clothes around their head to position them upright, but sleep positioners caused suffocation death in the US so they've been recalled and can also flatten the backs of their heads. She also thinks mixing in my 10mL of breastmilk with formula will upset their stomachs, even though a neonatal dietician from Parkland who advised me on my formula selection had no issues with it at home. And this morning I found a pile of wet baby clothes she laundered but never put up to dry. I think maybe the sleep deprivation is affecting me and all my negativity is being projected onto the nanny. But after tonight it will probably be just me doing night shift for the babies with some help from the husband and my mother and the help in Delhi will do more during the daytime.

I got way to stressed out trying to figure out a schedule that accomodated 2 1/2 hour feedings, and was unable to find any on the web. I have to leave the room to use the net cause even though I paid for it the signal is so weak in my hotel room since it is in the far corner! I realized that you cannot divide up a 24 hour day into those blocks. I guess the only solution is to reset my iphone timer to 2 1/2 hours at every feeding and mark down the times on my log I created. Without a predictable schedule I just have to rely on others more and a method of communication, but I guess as a Mommy you want a level of control over things and it is hard to trust others. As far as all the supplement drops go I guess I'll just keep with the rough schedule I've already been keeping about when to administer them regardless of if they correlate with a feeding. I do question whether all these drops are necessary, but will get a 2nd opinion in Delhi and a 3rd in the US.

Today and yesterday I haven't taken a moment to enjoy being a Mom, so I need to cuddle and sing to them like I did in the NICU more and not just feed change rinse repeat. But I think things in Delhi will be much more comfortable and less frantic and so I look forward to tomorrow's adventure to finally be staying in a fully stocked home surrounded by the support of my husband's family. The 27^th at the embassy will be completely nuts I'm sure, but I'll do anything to get home! I just hope they don't nickel and dime me with extra charges like everyone here has! It will also help tremendously to have four times the amount of clothing, because the rest was shipped so I do laundry twice per day, and my clothes are washed in regular detergent but the babies are washed separately in Dreft so that is about four loads BY HAND per day. I have a whole new respect for Indian an pioneer women without washers and dryers. And Pampers Swaddler diapers leak for Vivek so he goes through 3 wardrobe changes per day, but I hope that when we switch to the Huggies they'll work better. I bought half and half and used up the Pampers first because the Huggies have the cool color changing stripe that lets you know if their diaper is wet. And figured that I'd rather the NICU use up the less cool diapers first.

Both babies are doing well, and he is less constipated today. I got the suppositories just in case. Wierd that they are on the same formula but he responds to it so differently, but I think he has this entire time but the nurses never mentioned it to me in the NICU. I missed their bath tonight where I had planned for photo ops while Priyanka sponge bathed them, but for good reason! My Mom called so I went into the hallway to video chat. I can't say how much better I feel after unloading a bit of my stress and talking to my Mom. This is hard, and I wish I could do it with my Mom here to reassure me I'm doing a good job but a video chat is the next best thing. I got pretty emotional when we talked about seeing my husband again finally, and am again even as I type this. I'm pretty sure in 2 days I'll be making a big scene at the Delhi airport.

What really sucks is that I won't have internet when I'm in Delhi unless I make a 10 minute walk to the family home from where we are staying. I may still update the blog, I may not. I think I may write posts and then post them all at once when I get a chance, or maybe not until I get them back to the states. But as I'm learning, I'll just have to see how it goes. The babies' care is my top priority and the rest I just do as I can. I can't wait until I'm in Delhi! But most of all I can't wait to see my husband and hope I never go the rest of my life spending that much time apart from him.