I remember it went something like this. I had 9 eggs. They were only able to extract 6. Guess the rest got stuck. Only 5 fertilized. Of those only 4 grew well in 3 days. I get an email that all 4 were place in the surrogate, who rested in the hospital after that for the dreaded 2 week wait. I had transferred the $500 egg freezing charge early in my naivete thinking we would have leftovers. (Used that as a credit on the 2nd attempt with egg donor) When we are home I'll find out that 0 implanted and she did not get pregnant. I'll talk about that later, but the word disappointment doesn't cover it. .
The extraction was probably like it is in the US, save the shared operating room with another patient and that you tip the nurses. I have had plenty of surgeries, but when I saw the lady knocked out in the stirrups getting an egg extraction and realized that was about to be me I did freak a little bit and some tears leaked out of the corner of my eye. I was ticked at myself because I just made it through the police academy without crying, though puking was involved on the worst nights. But the anesthesiologist was so nice and sweet to me. He knocked me out with ketamine immediately, and I went to a happy happy place down a tunnel with bright lights where you could taste all the colors of the rainbow. The procedure only took 10-15 minutes but in my mind it took 30 seconds. I woke up with no pain, but wishing I could go back to the happy land of rainbows a little bit instead of the small waiting area on the comfy stretcher. My husband did later tell me they wheeled me out still in the stirrups, but fortunately no one else's husband was waiting that day for the showing. But remember, I was in happy land at the time and frankly if it gets me a baby I could have cared less and sold tickets. Unfortunately it did not get us a baby with my eggs, but it was something I had to do to finally accept that I'll never have a child with my eyes, smile, and belligerent personality!
A couple I meet in the hotel (whose baby was born last month I later heard) were feeling well enough to travel the next day, so I asked Dr. Patel and Dr. Hitesh and they said if I felt up to it we could. It was a little painful riding in the car with all the bumps, but it was well worth it to leave Anand early and stay in Delhi with family so that we could finally see them again. This was the best part of the trip, and totally unexpected. Vinnie and I had a great talk on the plane and were able to let go of some of the difficulties of living such separate lives the past year, and looked forward together towards finally having a family.
Art feature at Delhi airport-all hand symbols have meanings
Cool planter at Delhi airport
Before I got sick at the tail end, I did get a little touristy and walk around with Vinnie and take some pics. That part was fun, but I was not feeling all that well and whatever bug his family got I got much worse and got even sicker on the way home. I don't recommend to anyone flying with stopped up ears, because mine were damaged temporarily but could have caused permanent damage if it had been worse.
Mitlesh Auntie takes me to see the monkeys!!!
My husband's cousin Manu's wife Shalini Narang runs her own fashion design shop on the top story of their home. I took pics of all her beautiful fashions. http://www.shalininarang.com/index.html
I walk around the neighborhood and take some pics.
Mitlesh Auntie takes us to two temples. It is my first time visiting the golden temple that I had seen in the distance. It is a Muslim temple, and you keep your head covered at all times and cannot take any pictures inside. The same rule for pictures at any temple, but if you google you can find some heathens who broke the rules.
When at the Lakshmi temple on the right I am sick and my nose is running constantly. Lucky for me because I find myself overwhelmed with emotion or leftover hormones and very tearful. I am unable to hold it in but try to disquise it. We make offerings to specific Gods and Goddesses, and I'm sure she is offering prayers for our success. I am stricken with thoughts of how much is riding on this, and how I'll ever recover if this doesn't work. I'm not sure if we have enough money to try again.
Mitlesh Auntie keeps my spirits up, and I make an absolute pig out of myself eating the incredible food cooked by their amazing cook Gopal. At least one of us likes to eat. She takes me shopping in an older area to buy a nose pin, which of course I promptly lose on the plane. Here is my favorite photo from the trip. Very artsy of me.
My husband's cousin's daughter, which I think makes her a 2nd niece or something, is an expert at shopping and takes us to the most touristy area at Janpath to go shopping for souvenirs for my mother. It is as fun as I remembered, but again I tell myself I'll shop on my trip back aside from this small little foray.
On my last day I decide to keep with tradition and get some henna done. It doesn't stay on my hands all that well for some reason, so no after photos. But the during photos are nice. I was feeling so sick and look awful, but the artist was very good.
One final tip for traveling to India. Security is tight at airports and they don't mess around. ARRIVE EARLY!!!! Expect to go through multiple checkpoints and X-rays. Lots and lots of people stamping stuff. And most important because it could have caused us to miss our flight: HAVE A PRINTOUT that proves you have a flight. You have to get inside to get the boarding pass, so if you don't have one printed out then you better have a printed itinerary that is official looking.
I was thrilled to see my husband! This was a new start for us, because for the past year I had been working opposite shifts from him and sometimes with opposite days off as well as doing the police academy. We hardly saw each other for a year, and when we did I was beyond exhausted from the physical training and no sleep and a high stress job supervising training in emergency services. I demoted myself right before the trip so that we would work the same shift, I could work less hours, be less stressed, and finally focus on my family and give up my workaholic tendencies. It's amazing how everything fell into place once I set my priorities straight, and I haven't looked back since.
The first day he was there he was bleary eyed and jet lagged, but they sent him upstairs right away for some paperwork. He never did get to meet our surrogate, but I'm sure that could have been arranged because most husbands did. My husband was only there a few days, and I didn't push for it to happen.
They asked if we wanted to do a frozen backup sample, and we were not charged extra for this. This was done really so that if he couldn't perform on the actual day of transfer they would have an extra one ready. We said okay, though I really wished he could wait until after he was rested so that we got good little swimmers. I will forever be grateful we said yes! Any rumors you hear about the sperm collection room are probably true. I wouldn't say it is gross, but it sure feels that way because you know this room only exists for one purpose so nothing feels clean. They give you a sheet with instructions and a tiny container, and this is India after all so no visual aids to help you along. I did not realize there was A/C in this room, and only saw it turned on the separate waiting area dowstairs for foreigners. I think the worst part is the line of folks directly outside in the waiting area, male and female, who all know what you are doing. No pressure. The best thing I can say about this part is that the room has a lock. I highly recommend asking if you can leave and do this in your hotel room and come right back, because I heard that is allowed. Video below:
I spent a few more days feeling ill, and then finally the shots stopped and we were ready for egg extraction. The last shot was delivered by a nurse on the day the clinic was closed, and so she came to our hotel late at night with her husband. In India it is normal and expected to TIP YOUR NURSES! I recommend at least 50 rupees minimum, but 100-150 is better. I'm not really sure but that is what we gave.
Before I detail the egg extraction, here is some local pics we took. I loved walking up to the fruit and veggie market because I am an afficiando of exotic fruit and veg. I wish I wasn't so sick and had an electric stove with me, because I would have found a way to buy and cook some!
At the end of the road near the train station I took a pic of the Gandhi statue and Christian church near the veggie market.
Ghandi Statue near train station
Christian Church near police station
I find it cool that scaffolding is actual limbs
Celebratory parade for some festival going on
Pellet guns sold along street to local males I'm sure. Guns are legal only with a special permit that you are under threat I'm told.
Once again I indulge in my habit of visiting fast food chains in foreign countries. The Subway was great, and there are two lines for vegetarian or non-vegetarian. Yummy! Some say not to eat the lettuce (no peel, local water) but I forgot at the time and did not get sick. Diggin the guy with the US flag T-shirt!
I took several cool videos of the local area on my iphone but can't seem to figure out how to pull them off Facebook and put them here. So I'll post one from HammockGuy66.
I go inside my lovely hotel, the Rama Residency. Sure there are nicer and more expensive ones around for those folks that care about amenities and a westernized feel, but this is plenty nice and is within a 1 minute walk to the Akanksha IVF Clinic/Dr. Patel and also to the NICU. Why stay anywhere else when you are going there on a daily basis one or more times? http://www.hotelramaresidency.com/
The hotel is nice and the BEST place to meet other patients of Dr. Patel and pump them for info and stare at their babies with longing. The AC in your room turns on when you insert your key into a device in the wall, so you can't leave it on when you leave.
Rama decorated for Diwali--the biggest Holiday in India
Cafeteria with great daily breakfasts
Our room looked just like this. Seating area at right off camera.
After I check in I don't even bother to get unpacked and I go right across the street to Dr. Patel's clinic. I have no problems getting there thanks to Hammock Guy that posted YouTube videos of how to get from Point A to Point B all over Anand. http://www.youtube.com/user/hammockguy66
He is the super awesome creator of the forum of Dr. Patel's patients where you can find loads of info and some posts from me. Anything I write here I'll try to make additional to that and not repeat to save myself time. http://dr-patel-surrogacy.com.
So I get to the clinic and Dr. Hitesh can see how tired I am and greets me and tells me to go back to the hotel and get some rest, then come back later in the afternoon for my first IVF shot. There are lots of men and rickshaws waiting around the area, and the waiting room is full of folks. They always smile at the foreigners, or maybe just me because I wear a saree and follow the custom to remove my shoes and leave them outside even though they don't expect me to. I sign in up front with my name and contact info, and they write down and give me a patient # that I will use for reference during my trip. They don't seem to be expecting me or know this is my first day, and this alarms me a bit. They immediately direct me to Dr. Hitesh's office outside.
Dr Hitesh's English is great, and I'm used to Indian accents so no problems understanding anything he is telling me. He gives me a map (copy found on blog) of the area and where to eat, and says we can take care of business details later. I follow orders and get some sleep. I find out later I am on their schedule for surrogacy and they are expecting me, but Dr. Patel has that info and Dr. Hitesh and the front desk don't have immediate access to scheduling and so it seems a little more disorganized than it is. Dr. Patel has a lot of people assisting her, medical or otherwise, and I see her pass by in a flurry of activity as I depart to take a long overdue nap.
When I go back in the late afternoon the clinic that was previously a hustle and bustle of activity, it is almost abandoned. Now let me say if you are used to American medical clinics that are perfectly sterile, then India will be a shock for you. Having been there before and finding the USA to be a little overboard with sterile conditions I had no problems whatsoever, save the one occurence on this one day. Even my American physician said that somewhere between the US and India is probably the happy medium on sterile conditions, and the US takes it a little overboard. The equipment is not brand new but everything is clean enough and they take new needles out of the package everytime. The "Vampire" guy that takes your blood doesn't wear gloves. But the man is good...this is all he does. But the only thing that bothered me regarding conditions was on this day, because the sharps container is just a bucket. This late in the day it was overflowing and there were needles on the floor. Remember that I was barefoot, so I tread carefully. But other than that, I felt perfectly safe. I get my first shot in my belly, and that's it. This was my first time doing IVF since we were hoping to use my eggs.
Having never done IVF before I didn't know what to expect, so that made my anxiety level higher than most. Also, my husband was not with me. He speaks some Hindi and so having him there helps, though they mostly speak Gujarati there and Hindi is of little use. I was lonely without him, and Dr. Hitesh commented on how much more I smiled when he arrived. But ultimately here is what it is like:
1. You go in and get a shot almost every day. You get blood taken and trans-vaginal sonogram seen above every few days. It will hurt cause she has to poke towards the ovaries where you are already swollen, but it ain't that bad. There is a curtain in front of that area, but lots of folks coming or going, but all female. This curtained area is directly behind Dr. Patel's desk in her office full of assitants rushing about. The only bills I received in addition to what I was told beforehand was for bloodwork, and it was minimal.
2. Your time with Dr. Patel will be brief and to the point. She will give you updates on how many eggs are growing and such. You can ask questions. However, I recommend letting the doctor be the doctor and not try to control everything, and if you are very experienced with IVF and into all the details that may be challenging for you. Communication here is not what you would expect in the US, but some of that is a cultural difference that I knew to expect. She will make the decisions and inform you after, to include how many eggs she implants.
3. Unless you've never been to India and want to do the tourist/shopping thing, there is not much to do in Anand. All the places to eat and shop are on Dr. Hitesh's map and in the blog link above. I was bored, and so nauseated I barely left the room. It was a little too hot for me to go out in that state in the middle of the day in October, but I ventured out a few times. Thank goodness for wireless internet and TV, with I think 2-3 channels in English that were playing a Schwarzzenager movie marathon unfortunately. I saw True Lies 5 times. I mostly went out to Big Bazaar for foods that didn't make me want to puke. I hated buying westernized food when I love to eat local fare, but I have never been so consistently nauseated and bloated in my life. For this reason I won't comment on the food at Rama Residency, because it may have been much better than it tasted to me at the time. I did drink the milk and eat fruit with peels, but as long as you stay away from the non-bottled water or unheated water you should be fine in my opinion.
Kellogg's & Cadbury are the few recognizable brands you'll see
I did realize that computer where all emails are recieved and responded to is right next to Dr. Patel's desk. There is an assistant on it all the time. I think most emails, of which they recieve TONS from everyone from current clients to prospective ones who want to know every last detail, are answered by an assistant. Sometimes she must copy and paste some FAQ, other times it is personalized. But I realized that the reason my email responses were stilted and brief and sometimes didn't answer all I asked was for this reason. They are VERY busy. It seems they get a lot of folks who want to know about and control every last detail. I am low maintenance in comparison, and if I wasn't I think that alone would drive me nuts.
They do track payments but aren't really demanding or communicative about due dates, so when I asked about the first payment transfer I found out that I did need to get the money transferred. Below is a chart I made of what it costs for those who are curious about doing it themselves. This is only what I came up with and not something they gave me, and doesn't include initial travel costs like airfare and lodging and food, etc. Some stuff I won't be sure on until we actually pick up the babies. I'm told the NICU fees are about $40 per day per baby, and with twins 1.5-2 wks in the NICU is common and she tends to delivery by C-section at 35 weeks. We'll see how true that is come September!
I did get to meet the surrogate, and it was a tad awkward and while Dr. Hitesh was available to translate....I didn't have much to ask beyond basic chit chat. I got a very good vibe off of her and she seemed like a confident and strong young woman who was determined to do this for her family.. Dr. Hitesh offered to take a pic with her so I did. I no longer have it because I deleted it when our attempt did not work. Anyway, she was cute as a button and got married at 15 years old to a farmer, and had been married 10yrs. She looked healthy and was shorter and smaller than me, and had very demure mannerisms. He asked if there was anything I wanted to say to her after I read the very basic profile of her he had handed me. I just said directly to her "Ghano ghano dhanyavad" which means thank you very much in her language. I got choked up when I said it to her, and that was the first time she smiled. I realized that was all I needed to say.
I did meet some couples who were suprised at the surrogate selected for them as they were older or very skinny, however ours was young and very healthy looking. I think the more slender body type is common here. You don't have control over who your surrogate is, but they will be married with at least one child. They will select one whose cycle is synced up with yours or the egg donor's. I trust Dr. Patel and I trust her selection process. I'm sad that it didn't work out with our first surrogate. I haven't met our second surrogate because we used donor eggs and a frozen sample, but I can't wait to meet her. I sent her a package with sarees, photos of us, and a personalized letter of thanks that I had translated into Gujarati below.
We thank you so very much for what you are doing for us.My husband and I are finally so happy!You are making our dreams come true. We know that carrying two babies will be difficult and you are sacrificing much time with your family. Your help in creating our family is giving us the happiness we have hoped for over eight long years of waiting. We hope that the money you receive for this incredible gift will help to make your dreams come true also.
I have not been able to carry a baby for more than a few months before it would die, so I have grieved for so many years. But you have made hope possible again. My husband and I and our entire family pray for you and your family every day. All of our parents are older and in failing health, but now they all have new life because they will get to meet their grandchildren. My husband and I married in 2004, and we have wished for children since then.
In 2003 before my husband and I were married we traveled to New Delhi India so he could introduce me to his family. We did not think then that we would get married, but a wise old man who was dying read our palms on our hands and told us our future. He said that we should be married as soon as possible, and our marriage would be very long and successful. He had never met us and knew things there was no possible way he could know. He told us that one day we would have two children, and then someday adopt a little girl. For so many years I thought he did not speak the truth, but now I know he was sent from God to give us hope...just like you were.
We will give both babies a wonderful home in the United States in the state of Texas. They will always be loved and well taken care of. We have sent you some pictures of us and our family from our wedding. Later when we finish the room for the babies we will send you pictures of our house. Please also accept these gifts of sarees. I hope you like them and wear them, but if you do not wear them I’m sure you can give them to someone who will be able to use them. Even though I am not from India I have always loved and worn sarees, so we hope you will like these.
So I finally get to Mumbai after my all to brief layover in London, and have to wait for a bus for 45 minutes after waiting in several lines hoping I'm in the right one. I think it's cool that the customs agent recognizes my last name as and Indian surname and asks me about it. No one in America does, but here I'll see family businesses that say "Grover Auto Mufflers" so I know it must be semi-common. Without sharing a language, I seem to befriend and sit next to an elderly woman who is also headed to Ahmedabad and is worried she is in the right place.
The bus turns out to take us to another terminal, which is one big room with a few shops that are closed. Did I mention it is after midnight and my flight to Ahmedabad leaves at 6am and I'm exhausted? So I have to wait overnight in this room with uncomfortable chairs, but fortunately there is a snack bar. I learn a few things going through customs:
1. Your original boarding pass issued from your first flight is not good there. You need to exchange it for an Indian boarding pass at the flight counters before passing through the final security check for the waiting room.
2. They like to stamp stuff in India.... a lot! So when they repeatedly offer luggage tags for each and every item you have as carry on take the hint and attach it. They use these to stamp that something has passed through okay. Expect more than one person to stamp and screen you at every point in the airport along your trip to Anand.
3. I don't have my saree folded quite to their liking. I am good at folding Punjabi style, but this is my first time folding Gujarati style with the pallau in front. Females are examined by other females and go into a separate line. My security agent speaks broken English and is having a good time asking me about my visit, and is very charmed by my saree and how much I like to wear them. In the space of a few minutes I have three female security agents gathered around me re-dressing and folding and pinning my saree. It was hilarious and they are having a grand time.
When I finally am released into the waiting area I realize something. I am the only white person aside from one guy. The problem is that there is a room of 100 men staring at me boldly. Really staring. Not even trying to hide it. I don't know if it is that some folks seem to think I look like this one Bollywood star or it's the saree or what, but if you've never had a hundred men stare at you at once it is truly disconcerting. I will encounter a lot of staring on my trip, but this was the most bothersome. i walk around a lot to ease my nerves and when the shops finally open I check them out. It is all touristy stuff I've seen before and I'm here to make babies, not shop. I make this odd vow that I'll shop when I come back to pick up my baby, but have this strange feeling that I'll jinx myself if I shop like I'm not coming back in 9 months. I'm not here to be a tourist this time. I do take a picture of the Playskool Saudi Arabian Melody. Woo hoo for multiculturalism, but she can't be all that much fun to play with because the whole point of Barbies is to dress them up in cute clothes.
Saudi Arabian Melody
I finally get on the long awaited bus that takes you directly to the plane on the tarmac to fly to Ahmedabad. Unfortunately I realize I've left my packet with all my printed out info as well as pics of us for our surrogate in the waiting area! It even has bank transfer codes on some of the emails. I am proud to say that someone turned it into the security agents, who look through it and call the hotel listed in the papers to let them know they have it. I tried to send my husband to pick it up but by the time he is in Mumbai it has been over a week and they disposed of it at the ticket counter. Fortunately I have one photo elsewhere for our surrogate.
After a short flight to Ahmedabad I watch the sun rise over India with excitement. I notice on the flight that of all the music and Bollywood songs they could select from, they have "When a Man Loves a Woman" muzak playing overhead. Wierd. We touch down at the cutest airport I've ever seen in Ahmedabad. I find it hilarious that we get on a bus that drives us a whopping 25 yards to the entrance to the airport. I could have walked there in less time. I get my baggage, and the driver Indrajeet that Dr. Hitesh (Dr. Patel's husband who takes care of the business end of things) had arranged is waiting for me with a sign. I've always wanted to have someone greet me at the airport with my name on a sign!
As I drive through the streets of India right into oncoming traffic for the hour or so drive to Anand, all the memories rush back and it finally hits me that I really am back in India. Some pics are from Anand, but a few are actually in Delhi at the tail end of our trip when I got touristy for a day and shot a few photos of the local flavor to show what it is like and what you'll see. They look the same, but Anand is much smaller and less developed, and you see more trash and burning in the streets and things are more run down.
Pimped out auto-rickshaw (Tuk-tuk)
Shops along street (this was actually Delhi)
Fascinating how much they fit on carts here!
Exported Rejected Doormats. Poor doormats.
Camels are common in Gujarat. And they're big!
Lots of men did double takes on their motorcycles at the white woman in a saree. Two almost had wrecks...it was funny!
