Back to work

So I went back to work Sunday. The work is easy enough because even if I'm tired and adjusting my body still, somehow my hands and mouth somehow seem to remember what to do even when my brain hasn't caught up yet. Thank God for caffeine. I like working on a lower stress slower shift given the major life changes we've gone through, and it helps me keep my focus first on my family as I envisioned. The hard part is sleeping. I have enough opportunity during the day when Vivek is sleeping, but my body is still fighting it. It will get a bit easier after a week I'm sure, and after Tara is home then I'll have even more time to sleep or get stuff done since I won't be carving out several hours of outside care for him and travel to the hospital to see her. Vinnie is doing a great job and working out a schedule that works for him. Unfortunately Vivek seems to be fussy and gassy for a few hours late at night so that makes it tougher on him, but I help him catch up on sleep in the morning. I'm so proud of the job he is doing and we are making it work. It makes you love your husband so much more to see him being such a good father.

Sunday afternoon Vinnie took care of my stepdad and Vivek so I could bring my mother to see Tara finally. It was long overdue since her last memories of her were less than pleasant two weeks ago. She managed to hold back tears and held her for an hour.

Tara is doing fantastic. She is now down to 1L of oxygen on the nasal cannula! Only slightly more than room air, and on a low flow rather than fast flow. She got her last dose of steroids, and they moved the orogastric tube to her nose to prep her for bottlefeeding. That made her very happy because she hates tubes down her throat. When I saw her last night for the first time she seemed comfortable and like her old self, happy and adorable. She was not getting upset or agitated to get messed with and when she coughed she did not go into a coughing fit. She stared at me for an hour making cute little faces, and I'm pretty sure Maleka is her favorite nurse. The doctor called today and left me a message while I was sleeping, and said the occupational therapists gave her the first bottle feed. She did gulp as expected and they had to work on pacing her. We'll see where we go from here, but the residual effects of the pneumonia are abating.

Meanwhile Vivek decided to be a candy striper for the day and we visited my husband's cousin Preeti in the hospital. I had been to her baby shower the previous day, which had been moved to the Presbyterian Hospital of Plano cafeteria due to her medical issues in her pregnancy. Her baby is 3.4lbs and she is 32 weeks along, so I assured her she is in a great place and not to worry. I know how much it helps to see a baby that was as small or smaller than yours big and healthy, so glad I was able to do for her what my brother and sister-in-law did for me. Vivek showed off his 8lb frame and was a perfect angel as she held him. It lifted hers and her husband's spirits I'm sure as they wait the 1-4 weeks until their early delivery, and it was nice to donate most of his old preemie clothes to a good cause.

Day 21:Company's coming!

I'm getting so excited because travel reservations have been made for my mother in law to arrive in Anand on Sept 7th!!!! I can't wait...just have to hold on until then.

Today started by my spectacular timing. I had a slow morning and slept in and arrived late, but fortunately it was right when the eye doctor was there examining my babies. He came in just to examine the both of them to establish their risk for ROP, or retinopathy of prematurity. It is an eye disease that affects almost exclusively preterm babies, though they eventually realized the risk ran higher in developed nations where more oxygen support was provided to preemies and changed protocols. In simple terms, full term babies are born with all the blood vessels they need in their eyes, but with preemies once they are born that growth can sometimes proceed abnormally. If you don't examine babies to see if the growth of vessels is abnormal, then it can affect vision and unchecked can cause blindness. Like a weed growing on a well groomed lawn, it must be stopped before it can take over. So the way to fix it is a procedure with a green laser that will cut off the blood flow to any abnormal vessel.

It has five stages, and my son almost perfect and only at stage 1. My daughter's right eye is stage 2, but her left is stage 1. She was at more risk because of her lower birthweight. He is going to return in 15 days to doublecheck their eyes, and if the growth hasn't arrested on his own we'll look into the laser procedure to make sure their vision will not be affected. I saw him take out tiny silver prongs that I knew were for keeping the eyelids open while he examined them, so as soon as he pulled out that with dilation drops and a bright light I decided to wait in the other room of the NICU. That way I wouldn't make a blubbering fool out of myself when they struggled and cried while the two other nurses held them still.

Another sign of progress today: they were taken off caffeine! This is standard for all preemies to decrease apnea, and now that it is removed I'm bracing myself to witness them desatting or having more apnea alarms. There is a chance they may not react, but we'll just have to see. If it has a strong affect, then they can continue it into week 34. But taking that step is a sign of progress, so it's exciting.

I decided to keep myself focused on the light at the end of the tunnel by buying the two baby carriers and the two baby beds I will need for them at Seven Eleven. I placed them by the door to remind me everytime I come and go that they will be filled with babies soon. The beds have mosquito nets that you can use if you want to or put underneath, along with little head pads. The carriers are rather cheap and simple but too deep for preemies according to Dr. Kothiala, so use the little head pads from the cribs and possibly other padding to raise the depth of the carriers to help make sure the babies heads don't roll foward. They have detachable plastic backs that keep them from rocking back and forth when you set them down. The carriers are just over 1100 rupees, and the baby beds are more reasonable at 395 rupees.

I couldn't bring myself to eat my leftovers from Flavours Restaurant yesterday, so I feel guilty for being wasteful but it just wasn't what I hoped it would be when I ordered it. Tonight I tried "Decent Restaurant" and promised myself I would figure out how to order soemething I really liked. I actually found bartha, though for some reason they put corn in it too. It was pretty decent. (Sorry..it was obvious but I had to.) It has a nice view of the traffic from the picture windows on the second floor, and I saw a carriage being led by two white horses appear out of nowhere. Tomorrow I'll see if Dawat has baingan bartha (without corn) and see who makes the best in town.

Hitesh didn't seem to be in at Dr. Patel's, and so I didn't pursue getting printouts and signatures on my husband's FMLA paperwork today. However the hotel will print out the pages for me, so I may just have them do it for me and try to get them signed tomorrow. Scanning is another hurdle entirely to email back, but maybe Dr. Patel's office can help.

Here's hoping tomorrow is a more productive day and I don't sleep through bath time or have two short visits like I did today. I don't think either one of my babies got held for more than 45 minutes today, so tomorrow lots of cuddles are in store to make up for it. But they don't seem to be suffering for lack of cuddling, because today she is 1335 grams and he is 1345. That means they are both over 2lbs and 15 oz, so by tomorrow there is a chance they could both hit 3lbs!

Day 20: Change of heart

Today was a pleasant day. First development was that Divya left and her husband must have decided he didn't want her to stay longer to provide milk for my babies. This means my babies will be on straight formula and eventually whatever small amount of milk I can provide.  To look on the bright side this means they'll continue to grow faster. I think I've been able to fairly calculate about two cans of formula a week, but as they grow they'll go through more. Now I can better estimate how much I'll need my husband to bring with him. Tonight she weighs 1305 grams or 2lbs 14 oz, and he is 1325 grams or just shy of 2lbs 15 oz. The sucking instinct is really kicking in, especially for Miss Tara. Vivek is the one in the hot pink hat today, and she's in blue. Typical.

Last night I decided against my mixed feelings and tight budget to give a tip to Manju, and also to Nita to thank you for carrying and providing milk for my babies. It was only $100 for Manju and $50 for Nita...but it was probably the right thing to do even though I didn't feel all that enthusiastic given the issues with Manju not providing milk when she had been paid to. I've heard $200 to the surrogate is more typical. I also gave Manju a special necklace that symbolized my children that a friend had made for me that I had worn and been planning to give to her.

But today I was shocked by a sudden turn of events. Nita grabbed me in the hall as I was paying a deposit for the NICU and had someone who knew a little English say "you...gift...Rama...Manju." over and over. She kept touching my chest and also saying "saree." I could not tell what she meant but assumed she was maybe trying to get my room number for one last attempt to get more money from me, because that happens with so many it seems. I just answered no visitors at Rama and it ended with confusion on both sides. But as I went back to the NICU momentarily, she called down and explained that Manju had gifts she wanted to give me! Long story short, she met me at the Rama an hour later with Nita and gifted me a beautiful saree and an adorable dress for Tara and cute top and shorts for Vivek. She also asked that I call her when we were about to leave Anand so that she could come see the babies one last time. It seems she cares a lot more than I realized, and it is more like the happy ending I had hoped for.

I noticed two new things today. They bring in a ladder to clean the fans. Yet another surface not left untouched. I also realized that the small octagonal tupperware at each isollette are what they use for open sharps containers, and the one time I had seen sharps held underneath a trash can must have been the exception to the rule because the tupperware containers were being washed at the time. My babies haven't needed any sharps except once or twice a week for a routine blood draw so that is why I must not have noticed.

It is exciting to be making preliminary travel plans. I'm so thrilled to hear that my mother-in-law may travel to Anand and arrive on Sept 8th, and can help me with bottle feeding the babies on their last stretch in the NICU if all goes well. Then when discharge approaches my husband and mother can come together with any final supplies and all the extra hands we'll need. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!


 Blurry Vivek opening his eyes only cause the nice nurse is trying to shake him awake for a photo op



Vivek tipping his hat and perhaps making a gang sign



Miss Tara yawning

 Tonight I tried out Flavours Restaurant behind the Subway. It was pretty good, and better than Hotel Laksh cause I ordered the exact same thing there. Slow night I guess, cause 7 waiters were standing behind me watching me eat. Wierd. I had to take a picture of the gorgeous flowers I saw blooming outside in their garden at night, which were like nothing I had ever seen before.

I think tomorrow I may go to Seven Eleven and buy the baby carriers and beds I'll need for the babies. Something to do that I might as well do now..it keeps me focused on the end of this NICU journey. I'll also try Dawat again, which was my original plan tonight. I saw bartha on the menu and they didn't have it because it was seasonal. However I've seen my favorite eggplant around town enough that surely they'll have bartha on the menu now. If so I may have to go there daily.

I had a comment posted about how to do sterilization in the hotel room. My plan was to bring a hot plate to be used with a converter for the plug, and buy a pot and tongs in Anand at Big Bazaar. It worked just fine, but the NICU nurse Suvarna wanted me to use a steam sterilizer instead like the kind you can buy at Seven Eleven for 2500 rupees (There is one that is in the 3000 range). The thought was that some plastics get melty and may release stuff into what is put in them, but I've also heard otherwise especially if something is known to be BPA free. I bought one cause I'm not about to cause a problem with Suvarna, and got a 2nd one given to me. The microwave steam sterilizer bags are awesome, but Rama does not have a microwave and even if they did you probably couldn't use it 8-10 times per day at will.  I also inherited a kettle, which boils water so you can sterilize bottled water before mixing it with formula.

Hopefully soon I'll have tips on how to print out something, because my worry has come true and I have to try to print out my husband's FMLA paperwork, have it signed by Dr. Patel or Dr. Kothiala, and send it back to the US. I dreaded trying to solve this problem but my work was able to avoid such hassles, but my husband's wasn't so kind. I'll talk to Hitesh and see what I can do.