Gassy with a paci

My daughter is seriously addicted to the pacifier. The NICU nurses tell me everything is okay until that pacifier comes out of her mouth. She wears the rubber down on those thingies then spits it out and screams for another. She LOVES her paci. I'm thinking it is a sign of the trauma she has been through that she has developed some sort of oral fixation. She has impressed me with a trick: when the pacifier comes out she turns her head the direction it fell out and tries to suck it back up. I thought object permanence took a while, but when it comes to her pacifier she is determined to find out where it could have gone. As far as my son is concerned it is gone and never ever coming back and it is time to wail to the heavens in misery at the horrible hand fate has dealt. Woe! Woe I tell you!

Please take note of the lovely baby blankets in the pic above and below lovingly knitted by my fabulous friend Marga!

In other news the nurses tell me my daughter cries after she toots and not before. They tell me my daughter is so gassy it is unbelievable, and they stink to high heaven. They will smell it from the doorway and glove and gown to go in and change her diaper, only to find it is clean as a whistle. A whistle that toots a lot.

They brought in a bouncy chair and I missed her first time in one, but I'll still be the one who gets to introduce her to the baby Bjorn (Thanks Todd!) and the swings. She seems to enjoy it. I have to say it is wierd to walk in the hospital room and see her down so low to the ground instead of in her crib.

I did freak all the nurses out the other day because I walked up to the room entrance and saw no baby in the crib, and asked where she was. The nurse was absent too. Several nurses were scrambling to figure out where she was. I tried to calm myself by assuming she had to go somewhere for a lung scan perhaps. Then our nurse shows up and says "What do you mean? She's right there." I look closer and I'll be darn it there was a baby after all. She was camouflaged by a a perfectly flat wrapped top sheet that matched the other sheet. I swear it isn't until you got 3 feet away at the perfect angle you could see there was a tiny lump of baby poking out the top. In my defense a nurse had walked up to the door too and not seen her. I felt bad for freaking everybody out.

Vinnie and I have been doing a great job at this parent thing if I do say so myself. It has been tough going back to work and he and I doing the sleep deprivation thing, but we are getting into a manageable routine. I am getting more used to sleeping during the day when he sleeps, so that is making my nights more survivable. My coworkers are alarmed by just how much caffeine I have ingested in one sitting but I promptly combat their judginess by politely responding "Shut up I have twins." Catching up on sleep over the weekend is marvelous, and I have never been so happy to curl up into my bed full of happy thoughts of how blessed I am. I still can't believe I got two babies, and a sainted husband who offers to take my son to the pediatrician on four hours of sleep so I can get four hours of sleep. I received a compliment today (I think) that I didn't look like nearly as much of a zombie as expected. Let me just say I did not know it was possible to be this happy and this tired at the same time. It turns out that makes it so much easier to bear. Every other time in my life I was sleep deprived I was just bitter and bitchy.


Vivek salutes in his sleep those who served our country this Veteran's Day

It's still hard getting to see her only 2 hours a day on average, and I worry she is forgetting me. (Sniff sniff) But fortunately she is getting lots of attention, and she has gotten several grandparent visits and another weekly visit from her Daddy. Weaning her off oxygen and steroids and breathing treatments has been very successful but the last few steps are taking a while. The rhinovirus is officially gone and she can possibly go home this week, but will likely be on oxygen for a bit and we'll have to administer breathing treatments.  I am okay with that as long as I am home or Vinnie is awake because he sleeps too deeply for a pulse ox alarm to wake him up if her nasal cannula comes out. That means as long as she is home on oxygen I'll need to take off of work, so that is the next thing to discuss with our doctor to figure out our immediate future. It also looks like my attempts to get the doctors to approve a swallow study has been successful despite one stick in the mud doctor who felt it was unecessary. Because there are so many doctors that rotate I just play Mommy against Daddy and convince another doctor of my argument. I'm madly Googling terms like "silent reflux" and "microaspiration" so that I am educated enough to advocate for my daughter and can recognize any subtle signs of illness upon her final return home (we hope). I am gonna burn that $10 per call 24-hr Nurse line my pediatrician has up if she so much as looks at me funny.



Vivek had another weight check since we switched him over to 24 calories instead of 22, and he gained the desired poundage and impressed the Doc. He did not vomit all over the entire place this time either, so I'm sure that helped the numbers a tad. He got to meet his Papa for the second time also and hang out for about an hour. I was a sucky hostess because I almost fell asleep sitting up at the table mid sentence during his visit.

Another huge thank you to my friends from church who have continued bringing me meals, and my work friends who purchased a ton of food gift certificates. That is seriously what is making it possible to keep up this crazy schedule. For the first time since I got home from India 3 weeks ago I did manage to carve out 30 minutes to go to the grocery store and get some milk, but if it hadn't been for all the help from friends I'm pretty sure I would have starved to death or broken into my son's Similac Neosure stash to stay alive.

I have developed a slight case of occipital neuralgia. Or at least that's what I think it is. What? I'm qualified to diagnose myself. I have my Google M.D. Occipital neuralgia is strong stabbing pains at the base of your skull intermittently, caused by pinching a nerve from repetitive neck strain. In my case it is caused by turning my neck down and to the left constantly to stare at my babies while I hold and feed them. I have also gotten my first grey hairs on the top of my head, as discovered by my mother. I am absolutely 100% certain that this NICU experience has given them to me. I wear them with pride. Until my next dye job anyway...

We'll conclude this post with my husband's video of the amazing Vivek and his new tricks. Cause everything he does is like...so absolutely AMAZING! So freaking cute and surely nothing that any baby in the history of the world has ever done before...

Day 22: 3lb upset!

Tonight's weigh in was shocking! Miss Tara finally succeeded in besting her brother, and not only weighs 5 grams more but broke the 3lb mark first by a hair. Vivek was clearly perturbed by this news, because tonight he was so active and restless, throwing his limbs around, making faces, tossing his head back and forth, and even crying on occasion. I was in the other room at one point and realized it was actually my baby crying, because now he has the strength to cry loudly enough to where I can hear when I'm not right next to him, and he sounds more like a baby crying than an angry squirrel like before. I took many, many photos of my mighty man declaring his discontent tonight and of his general expressiveness. If he closed his eyes and rested more and burned less calories maybe he would catch back up to his sister. Sorry pics are blurry, but he wouldn't stay still tonite!


Pensive Vik



Drowsy Vik



Exasperated Vik



Surreptitious Vik



Contented Vik



Curious Vik

 

Annoyed Vik

Miss Tara on the other hand was as peaceful as ever. I have to say tonight holding them both I felt a sense of bonding take over, but partly it is because they seem more alert and I am more confident and less concerned about the monitors desatting so I can just focus on loving my babies. The thrilling news is that so far today I noticed no discernable difference from them being removed from caffeine! So far so good....


Smiling at winning the weight bout finally



Saving her energy for growing bigger



I'm definitely becoming a more confident mother. Miss Tara grunted while I was holding her and I thought I smelled something, and sure enough my detective skills correctly identified a full diaper for the second time. The first one was a loud bomb, so I can't take credit for my discernment on that occasion. I didn't wait for anyone to help and I transferred her back to the isollette and changed it myself. This may sound like no big deal, but at only 3lbs she is still delicate, there are wires hanging off her and she is tangled up in a blanket, and I have to get her off of my bare chest where my clothes are discombobulated and gently transition from sitting to standing with grace and ease. I've developed a method for transitioning to cradle hold first using the blanket for stability, then it is easier and safer to stand up without risking any jostling or bumping.  I was afraid to do much before this point because the nurses watch you like a hawk and don't initially trust you to do things like they would. I was partly waiting to handle my babies more independently until I watched how they did it and they were more comfortable with my handling.


Tara working something out

 I've figured out a new method to get me emotional to help me produce more milk, and so far it seems to be working. When you pump 15 min at a time for 8 times per day you can only stare at pics of your kiddos for so long trying to stir up emotion. So instead I started watching videos on YouTube of babies and then that transitioned into vids of soldiers coming home and greetings by family, children, and dogs. It does the trick! I'm happier with my production level, and if I can put out just a little more I know that the 2-3 teaspoons I can produce per pumping  right now will add up to something that helps my babies. I'm not trying to store and serve it to my babies right now because I lose so much in drops that stick to the sides of the plastic on the way to the bottle, and so focusing on when they attempt to breastfeed in a week or two may be more fruitful. It will also be easier than trying to collect all day for a tiny bit per baby that the nurses will find odd for me to push getting added to their feed of formula and be awkward with the language barrier.

Today Hitesh wasn't in, so still working on FMLA paperwork. It was a bad luck day with tuk-tuks and I must have chatted up 3 drivers for every 1 driver that knew where I wanted to go. This town is not that big, and I typically mention 3-4 nearby businesses to help them be sure the general area I want to go. Frustrating.  I also follow two more generally smart rules:

1. Always name your price first before you get in. Prevents surprises and rip-off's later.
2. If you don't have 40-70 rupees (cost of most rides) then check to make sure they have change if you have 100 bills. They pull this "no change" stuff on you sometimes, which is a load of horse hockey. If they know how to say "no change" they have change, which is typically in their front pocket or hidden in a locked compartment on the console of the tuk-tuk. Maybe if the tuk-tuk is real beat up and the driver looks like they haven't bathed in a few weeks they may have no change, but usually I think they are scamming you.

I went to Dawat again, but despite me seeing eggplant all over town they said no Baingan bartha available. That was the 1 reason I went there, so for the rest of my stay I'm abandoning Dawat and sticking with Decent Restaurant where they have it with corn in it at least.  I ordered spaghetti instead to try "Continental Fare." DO NOT FALL FOR THE SPAGHETTI!!! I've seen it all over menus around town, but it is spaghetti noodles with a super cheesy creamy sauce that is sweetened by pineapple juice. It is like a cheesy dessert thing trying to be savory. It was awful, but they love it around here. I took one bite and very politely told them I wasn't going to eat it, and to my suprise they didn't charge me for it. I felt bad. Then I walked over to Subway and got a veggie patty sandwich to go, where they gave and charged me for chips I didn't ask for, so I guess it evened out.

I met a guy from London and his twins tonight at the NICU, and I'm pretty sure his partner and mother in law. I'm pleased because I thought that Dr. Patel only helped heterosexual couples...but if my guess is correct then that isn't true. That was one serious criticism I had of Dr. Patel was that she wasn't open to homosexual couples or surrogates who were not married, but my surrogate is divorced and these two gentlemen appeared to be a couple.

But tonight ended with some special shots of me holding my son, because he was such a little bundle of energy and I realized I hadn't had many photos of me with the babies except for the first few days. I'll try to include more.

 

And my most favorite pic of all and my new Facebook profile pic:

Day 21:Company's coming!

I'm getting so excited because travel reservations have been made for my mother in law to arrive in Anand on Sept 7th!!!! I can't wait...just have to hold on until then.

Today started by my spectacular timing. I had a slow morning and slept in and arrived late, but fortunately it was right when the eye doctor was there examining my babies. He came in just to examine the both of them to establish their risk for ROP, or retinopathy of prematurity. It is an eye disease that affects almost exclusively preterm babies, though they eventually realized the risk ran higher in developed nations where more oxygen support was provided to preemies and changed protocols. In simple terms, full term babies are born with all the blood vessels they need in their eyes, but with preemies once they are born that growth can sometimes proceed abnormally. If you don't examine babies to see if the growth of vessels is abnormal, then it can affect vision and unchecked can cause blindness. Like a weed growing on a well groomed lawn, it must be stopped before it can take over. So the way to fix it is a procedure with a green laser that will cut off the blood flow to any abnormal vessel.

It has five stages, and my son almost perfect and only at stage 1. My daughter's right eye is stage 2, but her left is stage 1. She was at more risk because of her lower birthweight. He is going to return in 15 days to doublecheck their eyes, and if the growth hasn't arrested on his own we'll look into the laser procedure to make sure their vision will not be affected. I saw him take out tiny silver prongs that I knew were for keeping the eyelids open while he examined them, so as soon as he pulled out that with dilation drops and a bright light I decided to wait in the other room of the NICU. That way I wouldn't make a blubbering fool out of myself when they struggled and cried while the two other nurses held them still.

Another sign of progress today: they were taken off caffeine! This is standard for all preemies to decrease apnea, and now that it is removed I'm bracing myself to witness them desatting or having more apnea alarms. There is a chance they may not react, but we'll just have to see. If it has a strong affect, then they can continue it into week 34. But taking that step is a sign of progress, so it's exciting.

I decided to keep myself focused on the light at the end of the tunnel by buying the two baby carriers and the two baby beds I will need for them at Seven Eleven. I placed them by the door to remind me everytime I come and go that they will be filled with babies soon. The beds have mosquito nets that you can use if you want to or put underneath, along with little head pads. The carriers are rather cheap and simple but too deep for preemies according to Dr. Kothiala, so use the little head pads from the cribs and possibly other padding to raise the depth of the carriers to help make sure the babies heads don't roll foward. They have detachable plastic backs that keep them from rocking back and forth when you set them down. The carriers are just over 1100 rupees, and the baby beds are more reasonable at 395 rupees.

I couldn't bring myself to eat my leftovers from Flavours Restaurant yesterday, so I feel guilty for being wasteful but it just wasn't what I hoped it would be when I ordered it. Tonight I tried "Decent Restaurant" and promised myself I would figure out how to order soemething I really liked. I actually found bartha, though for some reason they put corn in it too. It was pretty decent. (Sorry..it was obvious but I had to.) It has a nice view of the traffic from the picture windows on the second floor, and I saw a carriage being led by two white horses appear out of nowhere. Tomorrow I'll see if Dawat has baingan bartha (without corn) and see who makes the best in town.

Hitesh didn't seem to be in at Dr. Patel's, and so I didn't pursue getting printouts and signatures on my husband's FMLA paperwork today. However the hotel will print out the pages for me, so I may just have them do it for me and try to get them signed tomorrow. Scanning is another hurdle entirely to email back, but maybe Dr. Patel's office can help.

Here's hoping tomorrow is a more productive day and I don't sleep through bath time or have two short visits like I did today. I don't think either one of my babies got held for more than 45 minutes today, so tomorrow lots of cuddles are in store to make up for it. But they don't seem to be suffering for lack of cuddling, because today she is 1335 grams and he is 1345. That means they are both over 2lbs and 15 oz, so by tomorrow there is a chance they could both hit 3lbs!