Day 32: Monkey lips

Mom enjoyed her first Rama Residency buffet breakfast, save the chai tea she made them make three times over because it was too strong..though it still wasn't right. She is looking for tea bags now to make her own.  We bought some snacks to have more things on hand and avoid eating out, and I restocked my stockpile of Parle-G cookies (biscuits). Now that Mom is here the phone rings off the hook with Guddi Aunti and Mon Uncle calling, and of course Subhash calling 5 times in a row when we didn't answer because we were eating breakfast.

Mom video chatted with him and I'm hoping has finally convinced him the babies are healthy and fine, because they truly are but people think I'm only telling them not to worry but not telling them something bad. I thought the same thing of Dr. Kothiala until I arrived and realized that things really were going as well as she had said over the phone. We have honestly had the easiest time of anyone I've ever heard of in NICU whose babies were born as early as ours, and many that were born later. We are beyond lucky, and while there are scary moments they have all been well within the range of normal or even better than could be expected at the stage of development they are at. I'm truly blessed, and have never lost sight of how much worse so many things could have gone. Once bottle feeds go smoothly without any A's and B's I'll be one happy camper and mostly relaxed about caring for them on our own. Mom saw her first today and it scared her, but it is a new normal everyone must adjust to in the NICU and eventually will go away and be a distant memory.



Vivek sticks his tongue out at those who doubt his mightiness




Tara is equally as disgusted at those who doubt her powers

 I was also right in my prediction that Petra's baby would be discharged before mine, because despite initial difficulties he is at a better stage of development at 35 weeks. We are ending week 33 right now. Vivek is 1605 grams and Tara is 1560, making him just over 3 1/2 pounds and her just under. He is much better at bottle feeding, but she is only slightly better. I'm preparing myself for him to come home before her. I keep saying "come home" because "coming to the hotel" sounds wierd. This is definitely not home, but they fixed the door today so at least I don't have to slam my hip into the door swollen by humidity in order to push it open.

Mom thinks that Vivek has tiny little lips "like a girl" and that they both are so tiny and look "like little monkeys."  Wanted to record those comments for posterity so I can give her a hard time about saying it later in front of her grandchildren.



Monkey Tara foreground Monkey Vivek background




Vivek thinking hard about...




Princess annoyed with Mommy's picture taking






Dadima does kangaroo care with Tara for the first time

 Dadima was our hero today, because Petra and I were annoyed at how loud the nurses were. This is typical, but anyone could tell they were arguing about something. Petra says the other day Sandia and Daxa were arguing and Daxa looked like she was about to cry. Mom could see how distressed we were about their loud arguing, so much that Petra and I couldn't hold a conversation. So Mom told them that they needed to stop arguing in front of the babies in a very polite but assertive way, lest her grandchildren learn to argue from them. They quieted down after that and we were both very appreciative! I don't know what all the politics are around there, but they need to quit all the infighting. Everyone seems to work hard and pull their weight for the most part, so I wonder what they have to argue about.

Vivek and his "girlie lips"



We ended the day by shopping in the big market, and I kept Mom from getting lost. We finally scored some tea bags and her favorite biscuits and a small pot to cook and warm leftovers in. No petticoats because they only sell white ones here apparently. We had a another visit to the NICU, and a fun time doing kangaroo care. I had my best feed ever with Tara with only one minor de-sat, and Mom was able to feed Vivek and had an easier time. She is much more relaxed about handling the babies...it takes a day or two to gain confidence handling small babies. They only gained 5 grams apiece today, which is a little disappointing for her but no surprise for him since he had two big gain days.  Afterwards we had a nice meal at Decent Restaurant, and she likes it as much as me and we have enough leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

Day 11/12: Monkeys belong on the stairs...not NICU

So yesterday was an interesting day. Either the tuna came back to haunt me or I have gastritis from eating so much spicy food. I'd rather eat spicy food than go on a daily long quest to the few places that serve a precious few non-spicy western selections. But more days than not it seems I pay the piper for that decision. I love Indian food so much more in the US where it is a special once in a while departure from usual fare that I look forward to and enjoy. Anyway, I'll stop complaining about the food again. I'm cooking oatmeal with peanut butter in my room for a momentary reprieve.

So last night I walked back to my hotel from the NICU in shock thinking over and over again "Holy crap I yelled at a NICU nurse Holy crap I yelled at a NICU nurse...."

Let me start by mentioning about a week ago during an evening visit a nurse that I got a negative vibe off of appeared to be teasing the male nurse (?) that I only see on occasion. I am only deducing the conversation from intonation and body language, but it appeared she was giving him a hard time and took it to far. He punched her in the shoulder. It looked like it was hard and he looked genuinely angry. She looked a bit contrite and everyone settled down after that. It bothered me a lot, and I pondered all the next day whether to say something to Dr. Kothiala about it. Don't get me wrong, I understand that the culture here is a few 100 years behind in women's rights and the way women are treated here is unacceptable...but I don't expect to change the culture. My problem is that I expect them to behave professionally in a NICU. I understand stressfull jobs with long periods of downtime, and the need to goof off a bit. I honestly don't mind as long as you do your job. But getting physical is inappropriate. However since it happened once and they immediately gained some sense of decorum I decided to let it go rather than make enemies of the nurses on the shift that will get the least supervision from myself or Dr. Kothiala or Suvarna, who I respect as a leader in the NICU even if officially she may not be supervisory.

Last night the male nurse was there, but two female nurses were goofing off and got into a playful shoving match. Right next to my daughter's isollette.

I'll let that sink in for a moment.

I didn't think or ponder, I just reacted. One nurse seemed to lose balance on one foot and almost bumped my daughter's isolette and had it continued she could possibly have fallen into it. I yelled, and the only way I seem to know how to yell anymore  is in my deep-voiced police 'command and control' voice. I sounded seriously pissed, and I physically grabbed the nurse that was closest to my daughter's isollette on the shoulder and pushed her back towards the other nurse. I yelled out "NAHEEN! RUKO!" That means "NO! STOP!" in Hindi, which I'm not sure if they understood, but they certainly got the gist of it from the sound of my voice and the look on my face. They instantly retreated back to the other room and settled down, and while they still seemed to be joking around for a while after that while I said good night to my babies, they seemed contrite and I got a bowed head or two as I left.

I didn't speak to Dr. Kothiala about it because hopefully I made my point, but three strikes and you're out. I did mention it to Suvarna this afternoon because I trust her and she understands the politics there. She agreed I was in the right and their behavior was inappropriate.

Before this whole fiasco though, I had been called into Dr. Kothiala's office. I was very suprised because it was 8pm and she was still there. I was scared to death that it was about a problem with either baby, which I guess is the instant fear for anyone in my situation. Fortunately, it was only mildly bad news. She explained to me that the 2nd surrogate wanted to go home in a week. Now that Manju is also gone, from the sound of it there were a shortage of extra surrogates to provide breast milk. Dr. Kothiala said that she felt the best thing was to start my babies on formula sooner than planned, and for next week she will do formula for every other feeding and see how they tolerate it. She originally planned a formula switchover in two weeks, but now we are doing half starting tomorrow and full the week after ( a week early).

I am still concerned this could raise the risk for NEC, but it will allow my babies to grow much faster and begin learning to coordinate the skills of coordinating sucking, swallowing, and breathing that they will need to be discharged. Hopefully once we give breastfeeding a try I can produce more milk and hopefully help them along a bit. And that is another exciting note: I brought my own milk for my babies today to be added to their feed! Okay...so it is only a teeny tiny bit barely enough to wet each of their mouths with, but it's mine. I'm proud of the effort I've made and will keep at it in the hopes that I can produce more. I'm trying to force feed myself more despite my upset stomach in the hope that my reduced food intake and weight loss due to the diet changes here are a part of the problem.

Speaking of growth, Vivek is now officially over his birthweight at 1140 grams, or 2lbs 8oz. He was born at 1125. She is now at 1090, or 2lbs 6oz.  She was born at 920.

This morning was exciting for other reasons. I missed all the bathtime photo ops and didn't have any non-sleeping/covered up shots, but I have a good excuse. Monkeys.

 

 Okay, so they weren't blocking my particular stairwell...but still...MONKEYS!! I did a double take walking to the NICU when I looked up across the street to see what the dogs were making a fuss about. I was shocked to see an entire troop of at least 20 monkeys, including some babies and an obvious alpha leader who was large and perched at the highest point keeping lookout. I've seen a monkey or two in Delhi, but none in Anand and certainly never an entire troop of them! The locals seem to consider them a nuisance that are bad for business, and I'm curious if the one up top left in the first shot with the banana was given it or stole it.  I'm sure the white lady with the camera in the street with a big stupid grin on her face wearing a saree was of more interest to the locals. I also took a cool video that has the monkeys and then police and motorcycles and tuk tuks and possibly cows or some type of water buffalo I hadn't seen before moving through the street. An interesting slice of life just outside my hotel front doors.

Now if I can just see an elephant before I leave India I'll be satisfied.

Eggs Extraction/Delhi trip

I remember it went something like this. I had 9 eggs. They were only able to extract 6. Guess the rest got stuck. Only 5 fertilized. Of those only 4 grew well in 3 days. I get an email that all 4 were place in the surrogate, who rested in the hospital after that for the dreaded 2 week wait. I had transferred the $500 egg freezing charge early in my naivete thinking we would have leftovers. (Used that as a credit on the 2nd attempt with egg donor) When we are home I'll find out that 0 implanted and she did not get pregnant. I'll talk about that later, but the word disappointment doesn't cover it. .

The extraction was probably like it is in the US, save the shared operating room with another patient and that you tip the nurses. I have had plenty of surgeries, but when I saw the lady knocked out in the stirrups getting an egg extraction and realized that was about to be me I did freak a little bit and some tears leaked out of the corner of my eye. I was ticked at myself because I just made it through the police academy without crying, though puking was involved on the worst nights. But the anesthesiologist was so nice and sweet to me. He knocked me out with ketamine immediately, and I went to a happy happy place down a tunnel with bright lights where you could taste all the colors of the rainbow. The procedure only took 10-15 minutes but in my mind it took 30 seconds. I woke up with no pain, but wishing I could go back to the happy land of rainbows a little bit instead of the small waiting area on the comfy stretcher. My husband did later tell me they wheeled me out still in the stirrups, but fortunately no one else's husband was waiting that day for the showing. But remember, I was in happy land at the time and frankly if it gets me a baby I could have cared less and sold tickets. Unfortunately it did not get us a baby with my eggs, but it was something I had to do to finally accept that I'll never have a child with my eyes, smile, and belligerent personality!

A couple I meet in the hotel (whose baby was born last month I later heard) were feeling well enough to travel the next day, so I asked Dr. Patel and Dr. Hitesh and they said if I felt up to it we could. It was a little painful riding in the car with all the bumps, but it was well worth it to leave Anand early and stay in Delhi with family so that we could finally see them again. This was the best part of the trip, and totally unexpected. Vinnie and I had a great talk on the plane and were able to let go of some of the difficulties of living such separate lives the past year, and looked forward together towards finally having a family.


Art feature at Delhi airport-all hand symbols have meanings



Cool planter at Delhi airport


Before I got sick at the tail end, I did get a little touristy and walk around with Vinnie and take some pics. That part was fun, but I was not feeling all that well and whatever bug his family got I got much worse and got even sicker on the way home. I don't recommend to anyone flying with stopped up ears, because mine were damaged temporarily but could have caused permanent damage if it had been worse.


Mitlesh Auntie takes me to see the monkeys!!!

  

My husband's cousin Manu's wife Shalini Narang runs her own fashion design shop on the top story of their home. I took pics of all her beautiful fashions.   http://www.shalininarang.com/index.html

 

 

I walk around the neighborhood and take some pics.

 

 

Mitlesh Auntie takes us to two temples. It is my first time visiting the golden temple that I had seen in the distance. It is a Muslim temple, and you keep your head covered at all times and cannot take any pictures inside. The same rule for pictures at any temple, but if you google you can find some heathens who broke the rules.  
 When at the Lakshmi temple on the right I am sick and my nose is running constantly. Lucky for me because I find myself overwhelmed with emotion or leftover hormones and very tearful. I am unable to hold it in but try to disquise it. We make offerings to specific Gods and Goddesses, and I'm sure she is offering prayers for our success. I am stricken with thoughts of how much is riding on this, and how I'll ever recover if this doesn't work. I'm not sure if we have enough money to try again. 

Mitlesh Auntie keeps my spirits up, and I make an absolute pig out of myself eating the incredible food cooked by their amazing cook Gopal.  At least one of us likes to eat. She takes me shopping in an older area to buy a nose pin, which of course I promptly lose on the plane. Here is my favorite photo from the trip. Very artsy of me. 

My husband's cousin's daughter, which I think makes her a 2nd niece or something, is an expert at shopping and takes us to the most touristy area at Janpath to go shopping for souvenirs for my mother. It is as fun as I remembered, but again I tell myself I'll shop on my trip back aside from this small little foray.

On my last day I decide to keep with tradition and get some henna done. It doesn't stay on my hands all that well for some reason, so no after photos. But the during photos are nice. I was feeling so sick and look awful, but the artist was very good.

 

 
One final tip for traveling to India. Security is tight at airports and they don't mess around. ARRIVE EARLY!!!! Expect to go through multiple checkpoints and X-rays. Lots and lots of people stamping stuff. And most important because it could have caused us to miss our flight: HAVE A PRINTOUT that proves you have a flight. You have to get inside to get the boarding pass, so if you don't have one printed out then you better have a printed itinerary that is official looking.