Sunday, October 7, 2012

Day 62: Bad News

I walked in yesterday on them doing a spinal tap on my screaming daughter, wondering what the hell was going on. After it was over the doctor walks up to me with two tiny vials of her cerebrospinal fluid and tells me not to worry. Yeah right. He says bacteria started to grow in her blood culture. It is type gram negative. That means they have to start her on antibiotics and they are doing the CSF test to rule out meningitis, which is unlikely but can happen. I knew that meningitis was often fatal or permanently disabling. So there is about 36 hours left before the final test comes back to rule that out, and until then she is displaying no symptoms but I find that of little comfort. Until then, I'm in hell waiting and terrified.

Oh...and there is another bomb he dropped very casually the next day. The course of antibiotics is delivered 3 times per day via IV....for 10-14 days!!! It felt like a punch in the gut and he could see me obviously reeling at the news and I think I clutched my chest . Back when we were told it was viral I thought she might be discharged today. The doctor asks me "did you have somewhere you need to be?" I answered politely but in my head I was screaming at him. "HOME!! I NEED TO BE HOME IN AMERICA!!! I HATE IT HERE AND IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS AND I WANT MY BABY AND I WANT TO GO HOME!!!"

I know there is a way to be positive. I know that I should be positive. But sorry, I don't have it in me right now. I have officially lost perspective and telling myself "it could be worse..." is no longer working. Did I mention this hospital charges 5 times what they did in Anand when all they do is give her IV antibiotics 3X per day but as of yesterday she is off CPAP and requires no other special care. Yet she is in the highest price category next to 2lb babies on ventilators.

I want my baby and I want to go home.


  1. Remember that they do these tests to rule things out and address them early - they don't just do them because they think there is a likelihood.
    Last year I was having some serious issues and they could trace it back to a liver enzyme levels. The doctor started very casually telling me they needed to test for AIDS and 10 other scary things. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Even ended up with a liver biopsy, but whatever was the problem had already passed through my system.
    The point being - doctors will scare the crap out of you. I know it's terrifying, but hold on. Don't freak out until you have to freak out. Hugs!

  2. Have you talked to your insurance provider? Most/many insurance plans should automatically cover your children. Did you have travel insurance or maybe have some automatic insurance with credit card you used to purchase tickets? I would think about this because you could be covered for medical evacuation. I tried like hell when our baby was in NICU in Anand, but couldn't make it work in my case. I know one person who was injured overseas and the credit card insurance covered their emergency transportation back home.

    Hang in there. Our thoughts are with you all.