I shouldn't complain. I should be happy. I should be in an ever upswinging arc of excitement. But the truth is I'm exhausted from working so much and waiting so long. I'm impatient, I know. It is so hard and painful to be infertile and childless. Though not anwhere close by any stretch of the imagination, it is also hard to wait and be so far away from your babies too. It just feels like these babies exist only in my imagination (at least on this side of the planet), and I keep wanting something to reassure me this is really happening. Maybe the baby shower will snap me out of it in early August. If that doesn't hopefully when I begin pumping to try to start up my milk supply August 15th then I'll have my head back in the game. Pumping 8 times a day will make it very real, very fast I would imagine.
The "schedule" Dr. Patel has emailed to other client's as well as what other client's have told me say that week 23-24 you get another report. Today is the last day of week 24. I wonder if since we got an unscheduled report 4 weeks ago, does that mean we don't get one now? The report just says they are doing fine when we get it along with a bunch of medical info that is meaningless to me even though I can decipher the report down to the fine details. And no news is good news. I know this. As soon as I get a report I'll just want another one anyway. So how come everytime someone asks me how the babies are doing and I have nothing to report other than my assumption that all is well because I haven't heard anything, I feel this urge to stifle back a tear from the corner of my eye. I guess all it is is that I just miss the two babies I've never met. I hope to have dinner next week with a local gal who had a baby by Dr. Patel, and maybe she can tell me if it was just as hard waiting for her as it is for me...because I don't know anyone who can relate to exactly what I'm going through.
So today in the hope to brighten my mood I went to the Newcomers Tea to welcome the newest members of the Mother's of Multiples Club. It was very nice, and I took notes on how to make my home family friendly but not look like a daycare center. It was babies, babies everywhere. I'm trying to take the advice to enjoy it while I can, but I'm really just jealous. Let's go already! Over eight years without children, so let's get this show on the road. They ask if I'm ready. I am, but of course I'm not really. There is a lot left to do on the house. Besides, however many ways you may feel ready, there have to be a hundred ways you don't know what to expect in how it will change your life. I know that. Have I mentioned I'm impatient?
At the tea party there was an entire room to the right of the door that became a parking lot for all the double strollers, but they spilled out into the hallway and living area too. I took a picture because it got me tickled!
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