Day 53-55: Electric avenue

The last few days have been a blur. I pull the night shift and sleep through most of the day's activities. I could sleep at night between feedings but Master Vivek has other plans.  I seem to have come down with a little something so they covered for me so I could get extra rest today.

We have had some major problems with the electricity here, so we no longer feel safe or comfortable. The grounding blew out, and the expert opinion from the electrician who may have stolen our camera is "yup...it's broken." I hope the camera turns up and I am wrong, but I can't find it anywhere so no pics to share. Other theories such as "you can't run the AC 24 hrs because it can't handle the load" are about to make me lose it. It seems in India when they don't know something they make something up. Either it can handle the load or it can't but it doesn't build, and we were running it very low because we didn't want the babies to get cold. The electricity was poorly wired in the first place and apparently has no fuse system in place to prevent such problems, and so the grounding has been destroyed if it was ever really properly installed. Mon Uncle will hopefully have a new place for us to stay tomorrow because we are living in a fire hazard. I keep my babies near both exits at all times. Now the refridgerator has a current running through the metal and will shock you when you touch it. I found this out 3 times. I can explain the first two, but the last was stupiditiy on my part because I was hot from no AC and wanted the ice cream and the freezer part looked like plastic but was painted metal. I call it the death machine, because Vinnie and I seem to be the only ones that grasp that it can kill you. Astonishingly enough, the opinion from the family is "just wear rubber shoes and make sure you aren't wet and it's fine."  I try to touch it as little as possible or not at all, and it is like a game of "Operation" where you try not to make contact with metal. If I want food it's not like I have a choice.

India is a very, very different place and I miss home. All I can do is wait. Vinnie's 43rd birthday was yesterday, and true to my word I got him nothing because I figured 2 babies was enough and I was too tired to put bows on them. Tomorrow hopefully the neonatologist will answer the phone and we can make an appointment, because we are overdue for a checkup. Doctors offices don't have answering systems here.

Day 52: 2 mos old and US embassy trip

Today was a big day. Not only did they turn 2 mos old, but they made the big trip to the US Embassy to fill out the paperwork to get us home and take their DNA test. I used my specially bought Build a Bear outfits in order to make a big impression on the embassy employees deciding our fate.


Tara hopes that her rousing display of patriotism will sway embassy officials



Vivek pays tribute to a national pastime and his mother's Alma Mater. Fightin' Texas Aggie class of 2034!

They gals witnessing the DNA test were so charmed by their outfits that they wanted to take a photo but were upset because all cell phones and cameras get checked in at the entrance. The twins both cried something awful for the 3 cheek swabs each because he had to roughly scrape the cotton swab on their cheeks. Vinnie didn't cry for his. It was hilarious watching the two ladies try to get  a thumb print of their teeny tiny thumbs on the card, and next to my husband's giant print it was adorable and I wish I had a photo. The paperwork went smoothly except that despite an instruction sheet to the contrary I'd followed to the letter the night before, they made Vinnie fill out a continuation sheet documenting every time he had been out of the country. It demanded specificity but the boy went to India when he was 5 and that was dates of one of many trips he could not perfectly recall. Idiotic bureacracy but you do the dance they tell you to in order to get your babies home. They did open doors and usher us to the front of the lines, and were mostly helpful.

The main snafu of the day was the dope from Karan studios didn't make our passport photos the correct size and I didn't check them myself. Fortunately they had a photographer on site. Unfortunately Vivek decided to break his alert streak and refused to open his eyes, while Miss Tara was muggin for the camera no problem. It took almost 15 minutes and I was sweating and frustrated after flicking his feat and rubbing and singing and whistling and snapping and drumming the table, and the camera man was getting impatient. He cried and flailed but refused to open his eyes until the last minute when instead of antagonizing him I broke and grabbed him off the table and comforted him. Then I put him back on the table and we managed to get a photo of the right size printed after he clicked the shutter during the millisecond he had both eyes open.

They did forget to have Vinnie sign 1 document, but called our cell and were extremely apologetic about it and he can come back by himself while I care for the babies. They said that once the DNA results are in they will process the paperwork and call us to pick it up there between 2-4. We felt safer doing that then paying a courier service to deliver it to where we are staying. They said that they will process it as an expedited emergency passport to speed up the process, and with our DNA test being paid for 72 hour expedited processing too I have high hopes of being out of here in about 3 weeks. I did get my main question answered...I DO NOT have to purchase my plane ticket before going to the FFRO, which concerned me since I didn't want to pay transfer fees if the process took longer than the average 2-3 days. The only thing left to worry about now is whether they try to make us go back to the Anand FFRO, but if the tricks I learned on the net to go to the MHA first and put your local address on everything you can for residency works then we'll be home free.

Yes Vivek...did you have a question? (He was actually sleeping with 1 hand in the air!)


After taking a taxi back Vinnie did two diaper and wardrobe changes, and I taught him how to administer all the supplement drops. It was hilarous and he was missing their mouths and making a mess. I think it took him a half hour for each baby. We got in trouble for not informing the family that we had gotten back and all was well, but we are not used to so many folks worrying about our welfare all the time. We apologized and promised to make sure they knew our whearabouts, even if we are confident we can get around India on our own.

Mom returned and I took a long awaited four hour nap while they took care of the babies. Vinnie had forgotten my advice to change diapers at every feeding if they don't show signs of discomfort beforehand, and so I awoke to some diapers so full that they defied the laws of physics.


My little man filling up diapers to their utmost limits

I think the best moment of the day was when they called the "Grover family" up to the window. It was the first time I had heard someone say that, and it made me feel super warm and squishy inside. Then she had us take an oath of parentage, and it was a quick official moment but felt good to say as we stared at passport photos of our children and vowed that we were indeed their parents.

Day 51: Getting aquainted

Today Daddy got to know the babies a bit better, and worked on his skills. He did his very first diaper change. I think it lasted about 20 minutes. He also did his 2nd bottle feed with Vivek, who due to an error by Dadima was dressed in girl clothes. I realized as soon as I walked in and called him Princess that something was horribly wrong. At least it didn't break my vow for him to never wear pink again.


Daddy very focused and serious conducting his first diaper change





Daddy doing his second bottle feed

As I expected I had a mini-meltdown today over the fact that Vinnie forgot to bring our old passports as proof of residency for the embassy appointment tomorrow and that he accidentally purchased the wrong formula due to miscommunication and due to damage in shipping we lost 1 can of preemie formula and will run out early. I started stressing out over our embassy appointment tomorrow and all the paperwork we had to do, and all the instructions I had to re-read to make sure nothing was missed. I think most of it was severe sleep deprivation combined with the fact that for 50 days I had to be the strong one, and now that Vinnie is here I can finally break down and little and let him take the lead. I decided to give myself a double shot of baby therapy to ease my anxiety and exhaustion, and it worked like a charm. Vinnie was very impressed with my ability to walk around with a baby slung over each shoulder. We later each took a baby and went for a nice evening walk in the park across the street, and Tara slept through it while Vivek seemed to enjoy the bird noises and fresh air and new sights and smells.

 


But the best moment of the day  (er...night) was around 5:30 am when Vivek would not stop crying. To help Vinnie catch up on sleep I'd done most of the feedings by myself and also stayed up late going over embassy papers. During the 3am feeding the previous day I had woken him up and he startled and said "What?" when I stood in front of him with a screaming baby boy.  I just glared at him and handed over his son. I think it took him a second to remember he is now a Daddy and this was our new life as we know it. Anyway, this time Vinnie got up around 5:30 after a good 7 hours sleep and took Vivek into the living room to help me get a little sleep. However, he still wouldn't stop crying. Finally I got up after about 10 minutes and went in there, and in my exhaustion I just took the baby right from Vinnie hoping I could work so magic so I could get back to bed. I was amazed! The second he was in my arms he stopped crying instantly. Vinnie was happy for me and I was overwhelmed to realize for the first time that they really do recognize me as their Mommy. I laid down on the couch on my back with Vivek on his stomach on my chest, and together we took the best nap I've ever had.

Day 50: Meeting their Daddy

Last night was rough pulling my first shift with the babies with no help. Mom wanted me to wake her to help but I refused. I think it is better if Vinnie and I do night duty and catch up with sleep during the day when Mom and the new nanny/cook/helper can help out. They covered so that I got a four hour nap this afternoon. I've realized that at night there is enough opportunity to grab sleep, but being able to get right back to sleep is the problem. I'm too attuned to the slightest noise, so I use earplugs so that only real cries get my attention instead of the slightest coo jolting me awake. I wake up for all alarms without a problem though.

Geeta is our helper during the day, and I knew she used to work at a hospital but that is all I knew about her. It turns out that I love her to death! While Mom was at the dentist I decided to show her how I changed and sponge bathed Tara, then supervise her while she did Vivek. When she laid hands on him it was like baby wizardry, and I could tell from how confidently she handled him that she knew exactly what she was doing and could teach me a thing or two. She did a very vigorous coconut oil massage on him and he was loving it. He cooed and was wide eyed and alert as she firmly but carefully rubbed all over him. I felt like Tara got shortchanged. It turns out she used to be the one to cut the umbilical cord and give babies their first bath, so it is her area of expertise. In India they believe in vigorous massage for babies to help build strong bones. I don't know if there is any truth to that, but I know that the massage seemed to do him good and is recommended by neonatologists. After seeing her work her magic and sterilize the baby equipment and do all the baby laundry I was so relaxed and confident in her that I laid down for a long nap while Mom returned to help with the next two feedings.



Vivek relaxing after his massage

Shalini is working on getting us a neonatologist appointment on Friday, by the way. Everything else is organized and waiting for Vinnie to arrive, so the rest of the day was spent eating wonderful meals they brought over to us and waiting for the flight to arrive.

Manu and Samahita drove me to the airport while Mom pulled the late shift with the babies, since his flight arrived at 12:50am and the babies ate at 1am. I anxiously waited at the exit while Manu and Samahita made rounds in the car because you weren't allowed to park. After a long wait and becoming worried maybe he had missed his flight I see my husband's head in the crowd past some Indian Air Force soldiers in camoflauge and turbans. I shove my way through the crowd and greet him, crying hard and making a big scene. I have no words for how happy I am to see him other than it feels like I have the missing piece of myself back and I am whole again. He makes me a better person, and none of this picture has been complete without him here to share it with.

We drive home and the big moment is truly wonderful, and we were so happy that Mom and Manu and Samahita were able to share it. Vinnie was his usual quiet self, but you could easily tell how moved he was. He just sat perfectly motionless and stared endlessly at them. He held Vivek first, who had been wide awake for two hours waiting to meet his Daddy. He stared right back at him and they sized each other up. As he held Tara his eyes got a little red and he closed them and raised her up to his heart, and I know he was silently thanking the universe that we have finally been so blessed.

He is completely inexperienced with babies, so as Mom went to bed I realized I had to give impromptu bottlefeeding and burp and diaper change lessons. I hope I am a good teacher, but there is some awkwardness as Vinnie tries to analyze every angle and movement I make to figure out the formula in his head. I told him by this time tomorrow it would be far easier. I know it will be a long night, but I'm looking forward to tomorrow. In the middle of the night as I am exhausted and Vinnie is restless and awake I pawn off our restless son on him and beg him to hold him so he'll be quiet and I can grab at least one hour of sleep. I finally slept, and  I imagined the two of them had a great time just getting to know one another.

Daddy holding Vivek for the first time



Daddy holding Tara for the first time



Day 49: Delhi bound!

Today was a hectic travel day, but with such a big payoff. The nanny made it up to us in the morning by sticking around when she could see how frantic final packing was. It took longer than I'd planned and I was sweating like a pig! She even took the wooden slope risers I'd borrowed from the NICU to prop up the mattresses they sleep on and took them back to save us the trip. Indrajeet showed up on time and I took some last pics of Anand, glad I am NEVER coming back.

As for the long 1 1/2 hour ride to Ahmedabad on the expressway, the babies LOVED it. I knew that they would, but didn't know just how much. Vivek slept so peacefully I wanted to check for breathing but then remembered we have apnea alarms. Even when the road got pretty bumpy including driving over cabbages from a giant truck flipped over that had been full of them they seemed soothed by the bumps. I was quite stressed throughout the airport portions because I don't like them being around that many people who could pass on germs and I was so worried something could go wrong. I was snippy with Mom and felt bad about it. It's a lot of pressure and scary for a new Mom.

Dadima and Vivek on the plane in the row behind me

Tara checking out the aisle seat



Miss Tara prefers the window seat

 The counter lady took her time but finally got us all 4 boarding passes. She got us two rows to ourselves so Mom and I would have plenty of room, and the plane being mostly empty was a big bonus. No extra charge on Indigo for checking 3 bags, and we had the carriers and the baby beds as carry on's as well as Mom's purse and my diaper bag. They ran the carriers through the X-ray machine so Mom and I each carried a baby through the body check portion. Then you get the carriers back but during takeoff and landing they stow them in overhead bins and you have to hold the babies. They loved the plane ride, though Vivek cried a bit. I was so worried about takeoff and landing, but the pacifiers did their magic and the babies' ears popped. Tara would pause briefly and then suck rapidly so it seemed she figured out the formula to ease any ear discomfort. Not a peep or cry out of them due to ear popping, so that eases my mind for the international flight home.

We did two feeds in the air, and fortunately I'd packed many extra bottles ready to mix so that we would be good until about 8pm and could hang out at the Narang household for a while if we wanted to. Once we landed, I changed them on the seat while everyone exited the plane and we were ready to go. Unfortunately we had to board a crowded bus last for the ride to the terminal. At the last minute folks volunteered to give up their seats, but the bus had already started moving and I quickly decided a low center of gravity was the best solution. People stared at me but I didn't care. I planted both babies on the open floor of the bus, got down on my knees in a wide stance, then braced both carriers with my arms. I leaned into every turn and the bus ride was a cinch.

The Delhi airport had a baggage porter who was a huge help to us and I carried both carriers. After a brief wait I spotted Mitlesh Auntie and Mon Uncle. It was a happy greeting for sure, and we all piled into the car for the drive home. They once again LOVED the car ride. I caught Mom comparing my babies to monkeys again when talking to Mitlesh Auntie and we all had a good laugh.

Hanging out on Mon Uncle's bed

Being back in Delhi and walking into the Narang family home was the next best thing to being back in the USA. Tons of wonderful family so happy to see us and oohing and aahing over how cute the babies are. A beautiful meal on the table of the best food I've had since I've been here...with bartha of course. Ironically the cook and helpers names are Tara and Savita! I had not seen Minnie or her son Ujjawal or daughter Shambavi in 9 years, and he is in college now! The only issue was that Madhav had a fever and cough and was sick, so that caused a lot of anxiety for me but this was a temporary and unvoidable stop. He is also hard to control, but everyone teamed up to keep him away from the babies and no one who had touched Madhav (read everyone) touched the babies except cousin Minnie who washed her hands before she helped feed Vivek while I was at our house unpacking and setting things up. I walked back to the house and it only took me 5 minutes! Mitlesh Auntie and Mon Uncle plan to drop by and visit all the time so the babies will be entertaining company and building their fan club.

Back out the Narang house while I left to set up house, the babies hung out. Despite the lovely living area the babies hung out in the same room everyone else does...Mitlesh Auntie and Mon Uncle's bedroom. I placed them side by side on the bed on a sloped pillow, and I'm pretty sure they were looking at each other for a moment or two.

Our new pad is INCREDIBLE!!! I can't believe we are staying somewhere this nice the next few weeks. It is adorable and the family went far overboard in getting it set up for us. They brough Manu's refridgerator from work and that and the pantries they stocked completely! I suspect they may have bought the microwave and brought in a TV. They had cases of bottled water in the kitchen along with bowls and baskets of fruits and vegetables, fresh sheets on the beds, and the place had been cleaned from top to bottom. Here is a video of the lovely home we are staying at, which happens to be across the street from a lovely park.

The evening concluded with a lovely dinner followed by birthday cake for Mon Uncle and everyone gathered around singing. I asked if smashing cake on Mon Uncles face is an Indian custom or tradition. The answer was no, so I guess everyone is just mean. Mom started it.

Day 46-47: 100th post-a day away from Delhi!

Sorry no pics today, and I apologize in advance for complaining a bunch. To be honest yesterday and today I've been rushed and stressed out getting all final preparations made to leave to Delhi and take care of two babies on a 2 hour schedule with 5 different supplement drops and 3 warm water bottles to administer on a perfect schedule while keeping a sterile environment in a hotel room AND trying to pump. It is overwhelming at times and gives me 1 1/2 hour gaps to get everything else done If the feeding runs smoothly and there is no fussing afterwards when putting them down. Add to that the blaring music from the Ganesh festival at the temple next door and pounding bass all day and it is enough to make my hair fall out. I look at my list of to do's such as "pay hotel bill" or "pick up glycerin suppository prescription for Vivek" and "laundry" and it doesn't look like much, but by the time the day is done I barely get it all done. THe internet went out, the TV went out, the electricity went out, and EVERYTHING is closed for the festival on my last day to get stuff done. I'm frustrated that the pumping takes up so much time with so little payout, especially when I'm stressed. I feel like a bit of a failure in that area because I'm not getting as close to the number of pumps per day as I was in the beginning, but I guess with good reason. I think like a lot of things I can put more focus on it later when their feeding schedule extends.

But what bothers me the most is that the nanny slept through an alarm for a feeding last night at 3am as well as an apnea alarm, so now I don't trust her to wake up so I'm getting less sleep. Fortunately they wake me up so all was good and as usual it was a false apnea alarm because it twisted around to the side. There is a false alarm every few days and more our fault for not securing it perfectly to the diaper. I guess tonight I'll wake up long enough to make sure she's up to feed them then I'll go back to bed. I've realized for my sanity that it is not the end of the world if one person does both feedings and one gets fed 15 min late as a result. They are still largely on the same schedule and it is a reality that comes with twins that I had been reluctant to acknowledge initially. Unless you are Mariah Carey and can affort two full time nannies.

I also busted her turning off the AC in the middle of the night. She claimed the babies would get cold, but the truth is I've checked that extensively because that worried me, and the babies are toasty warm. Priyanka is not used to AC and she is the one that is cold. I ALWAYS wake up and can't sleep if I'm too warm...just ask my husband. She had been told not to do that. She has tried to convince me to use scrunched up burp clothes around their head to position them upright, but sleep positioners caused suffocation death in the US so they've been recalled and can also flatten the backs of their heads. She also thinks mixing in my 10mL of breastmilk with formula will upset their stomachs, even though a neonatal dietician from Parkland who advised me on my formula selection had no issues with it at home. And this morning I found a pile of wet baby clothes she laundered but never put up to dry. I think maybe the sleep deprivation is affecting me and all my negativity is being projected onto the nanny. But after tonight it will probably be just me doing night shift for the babies with some help from the husband and my mother and the help in Delhi will do more during the daytime.

I got way to stressed out trying to figure out a schedule that accomodated 2 1/2 hour feedings, and was unable to find any on the web. I have to leave the room to use the net cause even though I paid for it the signal is so weak in my hotel room since it is in the far corner! I realized that you cannot divide up a 24 hour day into those blocks. I guess the only solution is to reset my iphone timer to 2 1/2 hours at every feeding and mark down the times on my log I created. Without a predictable schedule I just have to rely on others more and a method of communication, but I guess as a Mommy you want a level of control over things and it is hard to trust others. As far as all the supplement drops go I guess I'll just keep with the rough schedule I've already been keeping about when to administer them regardless of if they correlate with a feeding. I do question whether all these drops are necessary, but will get a 2nd opinion in Delhi and a 3rd in the US.

Today and yesterday I haven't taken a moment to enjoy being a Mom, so I need to cuddle and sing to them like I did in the NICU more and not just feed change rinse repeat. But I think things in Delhi will be much more comfortable and less frantic and so I look forward to tomorrow's adventure to finally be staying in a fully stocked home surrounded by the support of my husband's family. The 27^th at the embassy will be completely nuts I'm sure, but I'll do anything to get home! I just hope they don't nickel and dime me with extra charges like everyone here has! It will also help tremendously to have four times the amount of clothing, because the rest was shipped so I do laundry twice per day, and my clothes are washed in regular detergent but the babies are washed separately in Dreft so that is about four loads BY HAND per day. I have a whole new respect for Indian an pioneer women without washers and dryers. And Pampers Swaddler diapers leak for Vivek so he goes through 3 wardrobe changes per day, but I hope that when we switch to the Huggies they'll work better. I bought half and half and used up the Pampers first because the Huggies have the cool color changing stripe that lets you know if their diaper is wet. And figured that I'd rather the NICU use up the less cool diapers first.

Both babies are doing well, and he is less constipated today. I got the suppositories just in case. Wierd that they are on the same formula but he responds to it so differently, but I think he has this entire time but the nurses never mentioned it to me in the NICU. I missed their bath tonight where I had planned for photo ops while Priyanka sponge bathed them, but for good reason! My Mom called so I went into the hallway to video chat. I can't say how much better I feel after unloading a bit of my stress and talking to my Mom. This is hard, and I wish I could do it with my Mom here to reassure me I'm doing a good job but a video chat is the next best thing. I got pretty emotional when we talked about seeing my husband again finally, and am again even as I type this. I'm pretty sure in 2 days I'll be making a big scene at the Delhi airport.

What really sucks is that I won't have internet when I'm in Delhi unless I make a 10 minute walk to the family home from where we are staying. I may still update the blog, I may not. I think I may write posts and then post them all at once when I get a chance, or maybe not until I get them back to the states. But as I'm learning, I'll just have to see how it goes. The babies' care is my top priority and the rest I just do as I can. I can't wait until I'm in Delhi! But most of all I can't wait to see my husband and hope I never go the rest of my life spending that much time apart from him.

Day 45: First doctor follow up appointment

 
So today was a pleasant day. I got about 6 hrs of sleep plus a 1 1/2 hour nap. I'm worried about sleeping tonight because I found out Priyanka took a day nanny job today with Petra, who was equally pissed off about it when she found out. I'm worried she won't wake up for feedings, so I'll set my alarms just in case. (When Priyanka showed up tonight she assured us she only was with Petra briefly and went home and got some sleep)

Tara sucking her thumb

Vivek doing the clean diaper dance

I managed to carry both babies to Dr. Kothiala by myself today. It hurt my arms and I was sweaty, but I did it while Mom waited for the luggage shipment guy to arrive. He came, but he was an hour late so turns out she could have come with me. But I actually enjoyed proving to myself I could take both of them on, because Lord knows I'll have to a lot in my life so I might as well start now. I didn't relish sitting in the waiting room full of sick people, and let me just say Indian men are not chivalrous. Healthy young men filled the waiting room benches forcing old women to stand and me with two tiny infants sat on the floor until the security guard offered me his chair. At least there is one gentleman! I body checked a few folks on my way out because they are so rude and crowd the entrances and exits. Something about having my babies with me makes me easily cross the line from assertive to aggressive when people pose a problem. Mom tells me they are chauvinists and raised this way.

Dr. Kothiala checked them over and gave them a thumbs up on all counts. Vivek is now 2110kg and Tara is 1885. That is 4lbs and 10 oz and 4lbs and 2 1/2 oz! I found out the dreaded brown iron drops that stain their clothes will likely be a 6 month proposition unless our pediatrician at home tells us differently. The multivitamins and B folic will be stopped soon, but she gave me two free bottles of New Cal calcium supplement and a prescription for 2 more per my request because with 5ml per day per baby that will run out quickly. The calcium may also be for several months. The domperidone will stop at 40 weeks. I'm getting better about getting the drops down without getting them on their clothes when they squeeze it out of their mouths, which Vivek is better at by far. You can see him scrunch his face up at the taste and purse his lips trying to spit it out. Fortunately for me he has chubby cheeks I can squeeze together to counter his efforts. I feel so mean, but I know it is good for them. I just hope that when they tell me to administer 5 drops they know that only 4 probably make it all the way down their gullet.

I also learned I need to put 5-10mL more in the bottle than I think they can eat. It is wasteful and formula is expensive, but it is a better way to see how much they can gobble down than looking for cues that they are hungry. She also said that 11 good feeds a day is normal for NICU, so I shouldn't fret that 1 feed per day that they each refuse to suck or try to spit the milk across the room exorcist style. She said as soon as we get to Delhi we can transition into a 3 hour feeding schedule, but start at 2 1/2 first. We will up their amounts to 1/2 oz more each feed since they'll be more stretched out. I told her that while Tara has yellow seedy poos about 3X per day, Vivek so far it is typically one and darker in color. She told us to give him 3-4 mL of boiled water 3-4X per day and that will help. Today I tried 3 bottles of water of 4mL each spread out, and sure enough tonight we had a yellow softer poo. I'm sure everyone was just dying to hear about their poo color and consistency.  By the way, Vivek held his bottle of 4mL of water on his own today and we have brief video proof.

I told her to contact Hitesh Monday since we will be gone and make sure he writes her the check from the money we transferred to them for payment, because no amount of ATM trips would cover it. She told me to come tomorrow and get the paperwork from her including all medical records, the letter to the Delhi pediatrician, and the letter okaying Tara to fly since she will be just shy of 2kg. I think I'll also tackle making the photocopies tomorrow since that will be the least hectic day.

After Mom and I ordered and ate lunch and did the 3pm feeding, she had the hotel do a late afternoon cleaning of our room. The Queen demanded that 3 people clean it at once to be prompt so we wouldn't have to wait in the lobby long. However with Tara sleeping on my shoulder and me typing away, I was enjoying myself so much Mom went back to the room while Princess Tara and I hung out in her royal lobby and greeted the incoming guests/her royal court. Nice change of scenery, even if the male staff constantly have cricket games on the flat screen in the lobby.



Princess bores of waiting in lobbies, and says not to get in Mommy's way when carrying me lest she kick you in the shins and makes it look accidental.



I'm still pumping but my production is still 3-5 mL per pump, which is not much at all. However I feed it to my babies proudly, knowing that all that effort probably does make a small difference. Their mouths are just too small to really breastfeed right now, though Tara did a weak little latch and sucked about twice this evening. The staff here have a bad habit of not knocking and just walking right in sometimes with food or to bring change from payment for food, and so a young gentleman got an eyeful of me pumping. I'm going to try to stay positive that breastfeeding is still possible, but just give them more time until they seem more able to handle it.

I did a smart thing tonight and copied and pasted everything I could get off the internet regarding surrogacy, CRBA, and FFRO stuff. We won't have internet in Delhi unless we take a 10 min walk to my relatives home so this way I can read it on the 26^th over again to make sure we are fully prepped. Here are the links to two external sites from Global Doctor Options that had good info on the FFRO/Exit VISA process: http://www.globaldoctoroptions.com/the-exit-visa-to-leave-india-foreign-residents-registration-office/443 and http://www.indian-surrogacy.com/item/exit-visas-for-babies-and-the-frro.html /



Tomorrow for a change of pace Mom agreed to watch the babies while I made a trip to Decent Restaurant to get some to go food. I've also got to get some more fennel and the photocopies I postponed today. Worse comes to worse the embassy will make photo copies for $1 per page.

Mommy no more pictures!

Mommy seriously!

 

Day 44: Strike a pose

True to my word to take more photos, today's post is almost nothing but pics. It was lots of fun laying them on the bed for a bit and taking pics, which prepped them for their photo sessing with the guy from Karan video/photography downstairs who came today. For 300 rupees he took their pic and mine in passport size, with 8 copies of each. BTW,you'll need 6 pohtos but they print them out in sheets of 8. It sounded like I need 2 for DNA test as well as 2 for the embassy/passport appts, and 2 for the FFRO. They may all be the same 2 that are needed or maybe 4, but it is good to have extras just in case.  I bathed both of them beforehand to help wake them up and keep their eyes open. It was my first time bathing Tara. Without a nurse micromanaging me I was able to be a little more gentle while still being careful they didn't get too cold, so they barely cried when I did it. SO much fun!

Now I just need some photocopies of the passports and birth certificates done tomorrow and my to do list for here is essentially over. I brought everything, but didn't know they wanted photocopies of those two docs as well.

The news in short is that I finally caved and took something to make me sleep, and I got 6 hrs rest last night because I could tell otherwise I was still going to be too wired to sleep. Liesurely day. I ran and filled the prescription for 3 "just in case you need them" meds from Dr. Kothiala (eye drops, nose drops, and antifungal if their mouths turn white with candidae fungus), whom we will see tomorrow between 12-1. The guy didn't show to pick up the luggage and will come tomorrow between 12-1. Ugh. So I can carry both of them to the pediatrician/nenonatologist myself and Mom can join us after I guess. 

So without further mundane detail, here is our first photo session.

And after the bath and passport photo session we had a change of wardrobe.

DNA test info sent to us by embassy

Here is a the email series and handout emailed to us about DNA testing from the embassy. They are very responsive with emails, and setting up our online appointment for CRBA was easy. Just print out the confirmation. Then once you have mailed the DNA kit in advance just email to let them know it is coming, and then they will email you when it is recieved and set up the DNA collection appt. They knew from my email I'd requested to do it the same day as the embassy appointment, so when it was received they set it up automatically for us.

 

 

Dear Mrs. Grover:

Good morning!  Thank you for your e-mail.  I am sending you some information regarding surrogacy in India; this is our standard introductory informational email.    But in short, yes, you can have your DNA appointment and your CRBA appointment on the same day.   However, DNA collection does have to be coordinated with several other sections as well as a hospital, so as long as we have enough advance notice, we should be fine.   I take it from your email you are planning to arrive at the Embassy on 27 September for your CRBA appointment – please let me know if this is not the case.   Read through all of the below information and let me know if you have any more specific questions.

The first and most important thing to be aware of right now is the citizenship transmission requirements.  In order to transmit U.S. citizenship to your baby at birth, the genetically related parent must be a U.S. citizen at the time of the baby’s birth.  If it is the father, must have lived in the U.S. for at least five years prior to the birth of the baby.  If the genetic parent is the mother, only one year is required.  If both parents are genetically related, the physical presence requirement doesn’t apply. 

When you come to the Embassy to complete the passport and Consular Report of Birth Abroad (CRBA) paperwork, you will need to show evidence of that physical presence, if applicable.  This can be done through current and old passports, tax records, college transcripts or other educational documents, Social Security statements, etc.  When filling out the applications for the passport, CRBA and Social Security card, please provide only the information of the genetically related parent and leave the other places blank.  Please note that only the genetic parent’s name will appear on the CRBA.

In general, you should allow yourself approximately three weeks from the time the baby is discharged from the hospital to complete all of the paperwork required by the Embassy and the Indian government.  There are several factors that influence how long the process can take, including the availability of appointments, waiting for DNA results to come back as well as the time it takes to obtain an Indian exit visa. 

Surrogacy in India is an unregulated commercial business, so DNA testing is expected in all cases.   You are encouraged to pre-order DNA testing kits about a month prior to the baby’s due date.  We will hold the kits for you here until you come in for the sample collection.  Please remember to order one kit for each person to be tested.  The genetic parent(s) may choose to do their DNA testing in the United States prior to traveling to India.  In this case, please check with the lab regarding the process for doing this as well as how long they keep the DNA results. 

Instructions for ordering the DNA kits, and a link to the list of accredited labs, are below.  If possible, we will try to schedule your passport and CRBA appointment on the same day as the DNA collection to save you a trip to the Embassy.   

Please let us know once the baby is born and you have the birth certificate in hand so we can start scheduling the DNA appointment. We’re happy to help you be as prepared as possible, so please let us know you if have any questions along the way.

I am attaching some important links taken from our website.  The first gives more instructions on applying for the CRBA, passport and social security card and provides forms.  You can also make your online appointments directly from this site: (http://newdelhi.usembassy.gov/service/reporting-births-nd-citizenship-questions.html )/ .  In addition, please read through all of the information regarding DNA by following this link:  http://newdelhi.usembassy.gov/service/reporting-births-and-citizenship-questions/surrogacy-a.r.t.-and-dna-testing .  Finally, here is a link to the DNA testing lab sites:  http://www.aabb.org/sa/facilities/Pages/RTestAccrFac.aspx

You can contact the different labs and pick the one that seems to best suit your needs.  Be sure to let them know if you will want expedited services and confirm with them what that means.  Some labs consider a week or two to be expedited while others will do it in a few days.  You can also ask them to email us the results, but you generally must specify that.  Sometimes they ask for a case number, in which case just give them your name to use as the case identifier (there is no number).  Remember to order one kit for each person to be tested (i.e. one for the genetically related parent and one for the baby).  Please have the DNA kits mailed to the following address:

     American Citizen Services   
     Consular Section     
     U.S. Embassy    
     Shantipath, Chanakyapuri   
     New Delhi, 110021, India

The entire process from the time the baby is discharged from the hospital till you get the visas in the passport to leave generally takes at least three weeks, and if you have DNA done you should add about a week.  If the baby is premature and there are health concerns, we can issue emergency passports which will cut off a few days, but, unfortunately, we have no control over the Indian visa processing time.

Again, please do keep in touch with us, and feel free to contact me with any additional questions.

All the best,

Sara Emmert

Consular Associate

US Embassy New Delhi

American Citizen Services

Privacy/PII

This email is UNCLASSIFIED.

This email is UNCLASSIFIED.

To: NDBox Surrogacy; NDBox Services Inquiries American
Subject: DNA test being shipped in advance

My name is Emily Grover and we are shipping a DNA test kit from an approved and accredited US DNA lab listed on your website to your office. It should arrive by September 27th before our 10:30am appointment for our report of birth abroad for our twins born by surrogacy. My husband Vineet Grover and I will be present along with both babies, and he is the sole genetic donor as we used a donor egg from Akanksha IVF Clinic in Anand. Can we possibly set a DNA collection appointment the same day?  We were told because of egg donation a DNA test would be required, and we are buying and shipping the kit in advance so that we may expedite the process and reduce costs. Thank you in advance for your assistance,

Emily Grover

 

U.S Embassy, New Delhi
Genetic Testing Procedures for Visa and Passport Applicants

DNA testing analyzes the genetic material present in human cells and has been found to be over 99 percent accurate in verifying family relationships such as: parent/child, brother/sister, etc. The testing is entirely voluntary and all costs and expenses associated with it must be borne entirely by the visa or passport applicant and/or his or her family. The results are typically available within a month (this varies by lab).

The petitioner may choose to use any DNA laboratory that is accredited by the American Association of Blood Banks (AABB) and that conducts buccal swab testing. A list of AABB-accredited testing labs can be found at: http://www.aabb.org/Content/Accreditation/Parentage_Testing_Accreditation_Program/AABB_Accredited_Parentage_Testing_Laboratories/aboutptlabs.htm

Any Internet search engine can be used to look up the contact information for the individual labs. Please ensure that the DNA laboratory you choose:

1. Can process buccal swabs; 
2. Is willing to process the testing for the relationship under question (not all tests are for paternity);
3. Is willing to handle international shipments including providing the necessary customs clearance forms; and
4. Will forward the buccal swab test kit to the Embassy with a pre-paid return envelope.

Unless you have a compelling reason to do otherwise, you should choose the lab closest to your home.

If you decide to proceed with a DNA test, the petitioner (in the case of immigrant visa applications) in the U.S. or family member (in the case of passport applicants) should make arrangements for the test with an AABB-accredited lab. The testing kit should be sent to the following address:

Fraud Prevention Unit Telephone: 91-11-24198000
Consular Section Ext: 4028/ 4283

U.S. Embassy Fax: 91-11-24198587

Shantipath, Chanakyapuri Email: NDFPU@state.gov

New Delhi, 110021, India

Please DO NOT use a third party to select your U.S.-based lab, arrange appointments, or transport specimens, and at no time should the lab send you a testing kit. If this happens, please inform the Consular Section immediately at NDFPU@state.gov.

The following is a list of documents that the beneficiary or applicant needs to bring to the Consular Section of the U.S. Embassy on the scheduled date of DNA collection:

For immigrant visa applicants:

1. Valid passport and one photocopy of the biographic information page for the applicant. If the applicant is a minor (17 and under), then the accompanying adult must also bring their passport and a copy of the biographic page.
2. Two recent passport-size photographs for the applicant. If the applicant is a minor, then the accompanying adult must also bring one passport photo.
3. The clinic charges Rs. 1600 per sample taken and applicants should pay by a bank draft at the time of sample collection. The draft should be made out to MAX Healthcare Institute Ltd.

For US passport applications:

1. Original birth certificate and a photocopy of the same for the child.
2. Original passport and a photocopy of the accompanying US/Indian citizen parent of the child.
3. Two photographs of the child and one of the accompanying US/Indian citizen parent(s).
4. The clinic charges Rs. 1600 per sample taken and applicants should pay by a bank draft at the time of sample collection. The draft should be made out to MAX Healthcare Institute Ltd.

U.S Embassy, New Delhi
Genetic Testing Procedures for Visa and Passport Applicants

(CONTINUED)

When the Embassy receives the testing kit, we will contact the beneficiary or applicant in writing or by telephone and schedule the appointment date for collection of the DNA sample. Appointments cannot be scheduled before a testing kit is received by the Embassy. The beneficiary or applicant should arrive at the Consular Section at least 15 minutes prior to their scheduled appointment. Please note that no photo ID cards will be accepted other than a valid passport. All fees, including return shipping charges, must be paid by the beneficiary or applicant BEFORE the lab sends the kit to the Embassy.

ON THE DAY OF THE DNA TEST, THE APPLICANT MUST NOT EAT ANYTHING OR DRINK ANYTHING OTHER THAN WATER FOR 1-HOUR PRIOR TO ARRIVING FOR THE DNA TEST. ALL WOMEN SHOULD NOT WEAR LIPSTICK ON THE DAY OF TESTING ALSO. FOOD, DRINK, AND LIPSTICK COULD INTERFERE WITH DNA TESTING.

Day 43: Adjusting to hotel life

Last night I think I slept maybe an hour. If I did it was a very light stage of sleep ready for the slighest noise to wake me up. I think I trust the nanny enough I can maybe sleep more tonight. The funny thing is I'm not tired. I crammed in 1 hour this and had a dream so it was a decent sleep. I'm much more relaxed than I was yesterday, but still every cell in my brain that has learned to be hypervigilant is now on overdrive. I keep telling myself to sleep and they are okay and my alarm will wake me for feedings if no one else or the babies don't. Mom and the nanny want me to nap but I know that ain't happening at the moment so I'll blog instead for a bit while Mom has the nanny dyeing her hair. She also had her cook us some food to make extra money, and it tastes homeade and is awesome. Mom also had a nurse hook me up with bartha yesterday. YUM!!! Mom's got the hookup. She's the gal in prison that can get you things. Either that or the fact that she speaks the language is a major bonus in getting stuff done.

I need to take more pics, but for today I only have three. The first is them all packaged up to go to Dr. Amin's for a followup. In 3 weeks whether here or in the US I need one more follow up with a retinal surgeon to make sure all continues to go well. He gave me a write up to pass on to the next doctor.



After too long of a wait and being overcharged, finally the dilation drops set in and we go inside. No escape to the waiting room this time. Vivek cried like he was being tortured, but Tara only cried a bit for the same checkup. The pointy things being poked at my babies eyes didn't totally freak me out, but a tear leaked out the corner of my eye. Mom did not look like she was taking it well and stared at the ceiling while he screamed. But the checkup said all is well, so that is good news!

The guy who is delivering our luggage by train is coming tomorrow between 12-1 so after a struggle I've packed up the less essential stuff for shipping. It is HARD to cut back to so little but let's hope it all works out. If the luggage doesn't arrive we can survive, but it won't be posh and we'd have to purchase a lot. I'll just have to trust it will all get there. But the amount of luggage we are taking on the plane is much more doable with two babies in tow.

I did call Dr. Kothiala today to verify the calcium supplement dosage was given to me correctly because it seemed rather high and exceeded dosage limits for infants on the bottle, but she assured me 5mL is correct because they were premature.

Let me just say on a 2 hour feeding schedule the feeling is "didn't we JUST feed them!" every time the odd hours roll around. When Miss Tara catches up to her brother we can transition to 3 hour schedule and that will be a dream compared to this. Master Vivek is quite a vocal boy, and likes to grunt like a man often. It worries Mom that he is so grunty, but I don't think it is anything to worry about so far. Tara is peaceful and only makes tiny coos most of the time...but she toots like I cannot believe.

I love love love dressing them up so much now. They are sooooo cute out of those ugly NICU outfits that I am NOT taking with me. Here are some pics of today's outfits, and I'm getting better at giving drops without them drooling the bright medicine colors onto the outfits. I also haven't gotten anything peed on except diapers today, so no clothes changes today! Here are pics of them in their little sleepers. Vivek may be hatless from now on because twice he has somehow pulled it onto his face and cried. It scared me, but he just can't seem to keep a hat on and I don't want to risk it anymore. Hers stay on pretty well with only occasional adjustments.

As a final note: I am homesick. When I think about seeing my husband again I get really emotional. I think it will all be so much easier to bear when we are together again. I wish my mother were here too. It is still very hard doing this in a hotel room in a poor dusty town on the other side of the planet, but I'm trying to celebrate the little moments and just enjoy my babies and not let all the little to do's to get them home get in the way.

I keep rehearsing things because I know the sleep deprivation could cause me to forget something important. Hence me forgetting to bring hand sanitizer and nipples for the bottles I brought to the doctor's office this morning. I re-read some docs the embassy sent us and learned we need a photo of myself and the hubby and not just the babies, and the hospital staff are charging us 1600 rupees X3 people to take a freaking cheek swab, and we have to jump through hoops to get it paid via bank draft. That complicates the day before the appointment unless family can help us do that with ease. Tomorrow no doctor appts and just running to get a prescription and then getting passport photos scheduled.  It should be a more relaxing day and I plan to take more pictures and bond.


Tara always looks like she is making gang signs to me




Vivek cheering that Mommy is sucking a little bit less today